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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
How does sexual fetishism develop?
I think it starts by a desire to experiment and/or explore fanatical scenarios. It is a fetish when it develops as an imbalance in a healthy sexual relationship. When it overwhelms or dominates regular intimacy, then it is a total preoccupation with objects and the satisfaction they provide.
Left unbridled in a relationship (unless you are also into a lot of experimentation), it can become a situation of sexual misuse. The duress it creates depends upon if the fetish was imposed upon you such as making you wear high heels, pantyhose, lingerie or other garments (costumes). Coercing someone to wear items to stimulate arousal or generate ultimate satisfaction will leave the wearer of these items to feel objectified and empty. It's no fun to be window dressing during intimacy. People who have sexual fetishes aren't making love to you -- they are having sex with the paraphernalia and the fantasy.
How do abusive men treat submissive wives?
The domination and control by either partner in a relationship, whether abusive or not, is contrary to the personal rights of an individual. Where this relationship meets the needs of one or both, it is often enabled or tolerated. But it can lead to psychological trauma and violent situations. (see the opinions below)
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OPINION : SUBMISSION VOLUNTARY OR INVOLUNTARY?
Some folks say it's "not a bad thing" to be submissive. YES, there are MANY women who do like submissive roles, either consciously or subconsciously, but that doesn't mean they are happy.
In abusive relationships, the abused often has been under abusive conditions for so long that his or her mind has twisted the story until he or she believes that he or she is at FAULT for the abuse, and that the abuser has the right to abuse him or her. This is not good because the abused person is being hurt not only by the abuser, but also by his or own mind. This twisting of reality does not mean anything about the abused person's intelligence; rather, it is the mind's search for a reason for the pain (inner or outer) he or she feels.
The situation can be very dangerous for the abused person because it may lead to damage directly imposed by the abuser, or indirectly by causing suicide or other self-inflicted damage.
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OPINION - ARE MEN ALWAYS THE ABUSERS
BOTH of these characters are stereotypes, and stereotyping people is also wrong. Because pretty much only the stereotype man is abusive. And pretty much only the stereotype woman is submissive. And pretty much only the stereotype woman will suffer and take all the abuse. In real life, there are also dominant/abusive/controlling women.
Although the solution is often stated as, "If you are in an abusive relationship, get away. It is the only solution."
However, this is sometimes an oversimplification, because the interpersonal relationship between any two people is complex, and cannot be classified as simply right or wrong, abuser and abused. It may require a dispassionate, trained counselor to recommend a course of action that will be beneficial for either partner in a marriage or relationship.
What tricks does an abuser use to make sure you stay instead of leave?
None. No "tricks" can make you stay or leave. Staying in a relationship or bandoning is entirely and solely a decision you make and for which you are 100% responsible.
AnswerAn abuser will say anything to make you stay. He will make all sorts of promises and and tell you exactly what you want to hear, whether it's apologies, promises of counselling etc. He will not change. I have been with an abuser for three years and can't get out. He is a compulsive liar, verbally abusive and violent. This morning he hit me so hard my ear is still ringing. We were fighting because I confronted him with another of his lies. He is wonderful 90% of the time but that 10% oh my god, it's awful. Do yourself a favour and get out now before you get stuck like me...Please do this for yourself. AnswerAbusers have all sorts of tricks to try and get you to stay. The odd thing is their so called control tactics end up pushing the person away, where you eventually just lose intrest in them, however they try very hard. They will: -stal your money or leave you flat broke so you have nowhere to live and cant feed your family -take the phone with them when they leave the house -destroy your clothes and/pr personal belonginings, inclusding passports, drivers license -drain ban accounts -make your care not start -pyshically restrain you -keep you up all night so your too tired to think of what to do or make any plans to leave, your strictly in survival mode -drive away friends and your family -move to an isolated location such as the country -try to get you fired or fail school -spread rumours about you -stalk, harrass, casually show up when you least expect it to try and catch you off guard so they can determine if you want them back AnswerStalkers and the Borderline PersonalityThe Borderline Personality
In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:
a shaky sense of identity
sudden, violent outbursts
oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
brief, turbulent love affairs
frequent periods of intense depression
eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone
Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.
The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.
The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.
The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
AnswerThey willl do whatever it takes to keep you off balance. Here are a few of the many they will try: silent treatment, turning very nice, taking an intrest in your life, showing up where you are by "coincidence", spreading rumours, making you jealous, stating things to keep you off balance such as they would like to move away, talking in hints that maybe they have a girlfirend. These methodsa are an attempt to keep you under their thumb.When someone says your so vain what does it mean?
Vain - Excessively proud of one's appearance or accomplishments; conceited.
http://education.yahoo.com/reference/dictionary/entry/vain
It could mean 'your so fine'. But that's just what someone else once told me.
Daughters ex-boyfriend has threatened to kill her?
Call the police...get domestic violence counseling and a restraining order.
A hypocrite
How can you tell if your protective order is falsely given?
Call the office of the Clerk of The Court that issued the order and ask. They will either confirm or deny that it is a valid order.
He needs to continue his therapy--time is the best indicator of how he will deal with his feelings. If you don't feel he's making an honest attempt to change, and is going through the motions only to keep you from leaving, end the relationship. You can't change his behavior for him--he alone has the power to do that. If you decide to stay with him, the best thing for you to do is to set boundaries. Make it absolutely clear that any further incidents of abuse are the dealbreaker of your relationship. Neither of you have the right to physically or verbally abuse the other. Don't use his violent act towards you as ammunition in arguments or as a way to get him to do what you want. You are wise to consider distancing yourself from him. Just because he is in therapy isn't enough for you to waffle about forgetting the hitting incident. He still has a long road to behavioral health, and you have to heal.
How is it called when someone falls in love with someone who scammed them?
If you're talking about scammed into loving the person, that is manipulation.
Where to hide if your dad is going to kill you?
Wait for him behind a corner with a knife... And kill him when he doesn't expect it.
Are you being serious? If you are, grab the phone, hide somewhere like in a bin or behind your school (?) and dial your emergency number and tell the police your dad's gonna kill you. If you're not being serious...maybe an author will see this and write it in a story.
How do you respond when your abusive partner calls you an abuser after threatening to leave?
I confronted my abuser and said that I need a healthy relationship and I won't continue to be in an abusive one. I said that I would leave if abuse continued. She admitted to verbal abuse and being controlling, but she also said that "it is not as bad as I say it is." She also says that I am an emotional abuser because I threatened to leave, and says that I am controlling her because I want her to change.
Now she is the "victim" and I am the "abuser" she says. What do I do?
abusers often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner symapthy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior.
There are two ways to cope with an abuser - to submit to him or to confront him.
What prompted you to threaten him/her to leave the relationship? Abuse. You are a victim twice. One, the abuse you have self-destructively and willingly tolerated. Two, the guilt that your partner is trying to inflict upon you for protecting yourself from any further deterioration.
Your partner is just trying to manipulate you further into staying. You wanted to leave because she abused you- so she decided to play the role of the victim to lay the guilt on you and get you to stay. Abusers love to play the role of the victim, and try to make you feel bad for trying to make yourself feel good.
Yes, this is emotional and verbal abuse. Often (but not always), someone who abuses you emotionally and verbally may someday abuse you physically. Please leave this person while you still can.
Because you are an immediate family member (sister) you do have the right to "section" your sister to a treatment facility if you believe she is in danger of harming herself, or another person. The best way to prove she needs this help is to document her moods with dates, times, and direct quotes of things she has said to you or to others. Gather witnesses to her behavior and ask them if they will appear at court if necessary. While this behavior is, of course, painful and emotionally damaging to you and your family, your sister is clearly in need of some psychiatric help and manipulation is a symptom of many psychiatric disorders, such as bipolar disorder. If she is truly sick, then the treatment mandated by the courts will help her. If she is simply using manipulation to get her way, then perhaps a few days in a psychiatric institution or even just having the police and legal authorities involved will show her that this is NOT the way to get what she wants. Good luck from one who has been on your sister's side of the fence, and gotten well because I was loved by people who wouldn't put up with my behavior any longer!
Of course, the advice above does not apply if you are a minor. Your parents must be the ones to take responsibility for the situation.
Good for you for leaving him! I'm very proud of you. I know it took a lot of guts to leave. First off, you have to realize you were a victim. Abusers are crafty and they woo their prey like a cobra. At first they are nice, then comes a few arguments (he always wants his own way) then he doesn't want to see your family or friends, isolates you, threatens you and tells you, you aren't much good for anything. An abuser brainwashes their victims. If any of us had to put up with day after day for years of being told we were worthless, got a beating, etc., the abuser would have us believing everything was our faults too. IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT! Love hon, is not someone being mentally abusive or beating the hell out of you. Love is gentle, kind, considerate and loyal. You just aren't use to being treated this way. You did the right thing by leaving him and right now you just feel lonely and afraid. He has had months or possibly years of making you doubt yourself, and what you are feeling right now is getting to know yourself (and you certainly are a good strong woman even if you don't feel like it right now) and you miss simply having a guy around, having someone tell you how to act and think, and that's the only thing you miss about him. You do not love this guy! I was married to a womanizing abuser myself and it's odd, I was always a strong-willed person all my life, but for some reason (probably just being young) this guy had me twisted and turned right where he wanted me. I married the jerk (ashamed to admit it) and not quite 4 years later I finally did what you did and left him. When I got my own apartment I felt so lonely and I cried for a month. I did get a new job, had friends, but had a void in my life. I am glad I hung on and didn't go back to him because that void feeling was the fact I had never had the chance to really get to know myself and my own strengths. Soon, I felt like a caged bird set free, eventually met a wonderful man and have been married for 33 years. I suggest you go to an "Abused Women's Center" in your area (or phone Mental Health and they will put you in the right direction) and take some of the programs they offer. They teach you tools to live by so you aren't so scared and also you'll learn to get out of the pattern of the need for an abusive man. Many abused women will go back to their abusers out of loneliness and the brainwashing techniques these creeps use. If they don't go back to their original abuser they usually choose another man that is an abuser simply because the victim is so use to being told what to do and how to act and she finds it difficult to know what she is capable of doing. Abused Women's Centers are great places to go and there are many women that are in your situation. That in itself will help you to lead a normal and healthy lifestyle. Good luck God Bless Marcy
Why people should be remarriage give reasons?
to find a REAL life partner, someone who REALLY cares about you and someone who will ALWAYS be your soulmate
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not everyone can get it right the first time.
You been always omuch but hes kinda over protective and how do can you live your life whit that?
ignor him or let him hear what he wans to hear
How do you know for sure a person is lying?
- There are no 100% signs that a person is lying, but here are a few possible signs: If you confront the person and they will not look at you directly in the eyes; if their face turns red; if they shuffle from one foot to the other; if they look like they want to take a run out of the room; if they try to convince you that you are the liar or they may slam right out the door.
What wine is easiest to funnel?
Answer I don't know of any wine that is easy to funnel especially if it's home made, but I can tell you that using pantyhose that women wear is fantastic for funneling all the grape bits out of your wine.
Answer
Alochol abuse has been discussed til it's nearly dead and you will find if you research it enough that most alocholics believe it's heriderity that causes them to be alocholics. Passed down through a family member who drank and it doesn't necessarly have to be immediate family it could be an aunt or Uncle. Most alochoics that I've talked to and there have been many as I too am an Alocholic believe that our sickness has nothing to do with Culture. For example, some Nationalities of people drink wine with every meal, that doesn't make them alocholics as when they leave the table they don't usually drink anymore. I don't know what your definition of an Alocholic is, but my definition is someone who absolutely craves alochol and it doesn't mean that they have to buy it in a corner store, it could be shoe polish as that contains wood alochol or it could be shaving lotion if the abuser wants to drink bad enough he or she will drink anything that has alchol in it including some cough medicines.
I hoe this answers your question, but if not feel free to contact me on my message board.
Definitely seek help from the Battered Wives Hotline. These are trained prof. who are experienced in these situations and know exactly how to help! People donate all kinds of things to help women in your exact situation. Things from financial help, right down to legal help. They even have prof. to help the children through this difficult situation. Consult them first and ask for their guidance. Answer Great idea! I think that you now realize you cannot make the changes you need to alone. Giving up the need to be in charge and to solve it yourself is useful, since you may not be feeling the best about yourself at the moment. Find a good, solid person who has lived through this and follow their advice. Do not "yes, but" any of their advice. Just follow it to the best of your ability.
The kids are important and you definitely want to set an example for them that abuse is not acceptable--you don't want them to get caught in the cycle for their lives. Find a safe place, get child support in place and then worry about the split. What you want is to be financially independent so that he cannot control your life.
Some things you can do are to get a job, start putting money aside and find a place to live that you can afford. The house and cars are just stuff. A private bank account, and post office box are integral to your success. Be careful about acting at all different while you are doing this and don't let the kids know until you are ready to fly--your chances of being harmed increase the closer you get to leaving. BTW, I did this a number of years ago and did not ever look back. Life is so much better!
When you are taking a test and you did not study and you can't answer any of the questions. You become frustrated.
