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Children and Divorce
This category covers questions concerning the emotional effects of divorce on children, as well as the best way for parents to make the divorce easier on the kids. It also covers different family problems children and parents face when dealing with the divorce of parents, and how to deal with them.
379 Questions
Divorce is always worse.
Stanford University - Divorce, Nontraditional Families, and Its Consequences For Children
"We know that children of divorced parents have more emotional and behavioral problems and do less well in school than children who live with both their Parent."
AnswerNo one can provide such a crucial determination on such little information. It is an absurd notion to give the advice that generally, divorce is always worse. Worse than what? Professionals who treat physically and emotionally abused and battered spouses and children would most certainly disagree. One would need to examine the situation, the parties, the conditions under which the children live, etc., etc., etc. That is, if the main concern was for the children. Advising that children should be forced to live in a volatile atmosphere, without knowing any details, in order to maintain a two-parent home is extremely irresponsible.Should I thank my child's father for paying child support?
That depends on your relationship with your child's father. You'll have to consider the situation carefully; while he might appreciate the gesture, it could also seem passive aggressive.
Ask yourself a few questions:
- How will the father interpret the gesture? If you've got a decent relationship with your child's father, you should have a decent idea of his mindset. If child support payments are causing stress, but he seems dedicated to being involved in your child's life, thanking him could be a positive gesture.
If, however, you're not on friendly terms with your ex, a simple “thanks" might seem like you're celebrating the fact that he has to make payments. The way that you deliver the message will certainly make a difference, but if you're on the fence at all, you probably shouldn't thank him. - Are you still fighting your ex in court? Most attorneys will recommend minimizing contact when you're working through serious legal issues. While it's unlikely that a simple “thanks" will negatively affect your position, you might want to avoid unnecessary communications until the legal issues are resolved.
- Is the father complying with child support obligations in a timely manner? If your ex has been inconsistent with payments, there's certainly no reason to thank him—and the gesture probably won't seem too genuine.
In 2011, men only made 61 percent of their child support payments, and if you're dealing with an irresponsible ex, you're undoubtedly frustrated. With that in mind, you should only consider an expression of gratitude if you actually feel gratitude. Otherwise, it's possible that you're still harboring ill feelings and you want a guilt-free way to start an argument. - Could you thank him in a different way? Even if you're on good terms with your ex, saying "thanks for the child support" might seem slightly odd. Saying something like “thanks for being a great father" could be a much healthier way to express the sentiment (provided, of course, that he's a great father). Assuming that he's in your child's life, he probably won't want to be reduced to his financial obligations, so try acknowledging his other efforts.
Ultimately, this is a gray area in etiquette. You'll have to look at the situation carefully to determine what's right for you. With that said, there's certainly nothing wrong with being polite. The safest course of action is probably to thank him for being a father, and let him know that you recognize his efforts—but don't bring up the money specifically.
If there's not custody agreement, than there's no custodial parent, so it could be interpreted as interference with Florida Jurisdiction.
easy just ask the tax people
How do you find your dad when they are broken up?
- To find your dad you should have a talk with your mother. There may be reasons she doesn't want you to see your dad that you don't know about. If your mother will not help you find your dad then when you are 18 and no longer a minor you can try and locate him. You could speak to your dad's relatives to find out where he is, but don't go looking for him until you discuss this with your mother.
Should you stay in a unhealthy marriage until the children are grown?
No. It's better for children to live with divorced parents than to live with parents who are unhappy for several reasons.
- You don't want them growing up believing that is what a 'normal' marriage is supposed to be like. This could result in them having unhealthy ideas of marriage when they become adults and get married.
- When the parents are unhappy, it always affects the children. And if the parents are in an unhealthy marrage, they, and the kids, are unhappy. And don't fool yourself thinking you can hide it from the kids, because kids are much more observant than most people realize.
- Depending on the cause of the problems in the marriage, one, or both, of the parents may be, or may become, angry. And for children to live with that kind of anger, even though it's not directed at them, is not a healthy environment. And again, don't fool yourself into believing they won't pick up on that anger, because they will.
- Staying together 'for the sake of the kids' usually does far more damage to the kids than divorcing does. Children have a way of blaming themselves when the parents are not happy. So to expose them on a daily basis to your unhappiness is exposing them to constant mixed, confused feelings, as well as feelings of self blame.
So for all of these reasons, and more, it's best to call it quits, call an attorney, and get a divorce if you know for sure the marriage is over. But before you do, please read the information in the related link below. There is much more information there that will help your children now, as they grow up, and even on into their adult years. And it's vital that both parties read it for the sake of your children's happiness and wellbeing, and follow the advice in it. The information will also help you and your spouse during this transition, as well.
Should you go back to a rocky marriage and try to work things out for the sake of your child?
Answer">Answer">AnswerYes, as children who are a part an intact family are always far better off, regardless of the circumstances, than when the parents are separated. IN 40% of the cases when the parents are separated, the non-residential parent is denied access to the children. Expenses for the parents increase causing even greater stress.
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Should you go back for the children?
No, No, NO!!! My mother stayed in a marriage of misery for the sake of us children and it only made our lives more complicated and sad. I hated that they stayed together because of the silences, the late night at work, the never there at home. Growing up in a parented relationship that stayed together for the children, I would have preferred to have had a happy home than a depressing one even though they tried hard to show us that they were happy. Just because you try to hide it, doesn't mean the children are so dumb that they don't notice the strained relationship. For years I felt guilty because I blamed myself for their unhappiness until I told them both to grow up and get a divorce because they were depressing me.
I agree entirely! You know you're doing it for the kids , you're not doing yourself or them or your husband-wife . . ex-husband or wife . . . . .whatever any favours by clinging on by a thin string to whats clearly gone , it is gonna hurt your children more than anyone else because rather than them having to face the divorce and move on there gonna have to watch it slowly fall apart. its not fair on us! My parents did it for 3 years for me(11) and my brother(13) and my baby sis(2) but when it happened we were all a lot younger and my sister was only 6 months old, I am pretty much over it now but I will never properly fix just like my mum and dad and bro but not so much my sis!! my dad is pretty secretive and very selfish so life is still hard around him and I feel I get chucked between parents like an over worked pancake in a pan that's been coked for to long my life seems pretty easy and running on smooth tracks now ,.. .but rust me its not! I often cry myself to sleep and tell myself and even ask people what is the point in life and you wouldn't want your child to have that view on life like I have to suffer and my parents are pretty , well very well off and with millions to spend people think oh her life must be easy.
AnswerDoes your child want you to? Should you need to ask, don't make the impression that YOU want to go back! In fact, if you need to ask, don't go back unless post "Absolutely... IF " applies! AnswerAbsolutely... IF you are both willing to put 100% into trying to improve the relationship. This probably means both individual counseling and joint marriage counseling. If the marriage improves, great. That's what commitment is all about, and your children will learn that and sense the positive shift in the relationship. But if it doesn't, and one or both of you feels that even alone, you'd be better off, then you should split. There's no guarantee there's somebody better out there. Different, but not necessarily better. A divorce will probably cause "issues" for your kids - but so will living in a loveless marriage with fighting going on all the time. Kids learn about relationships, arguing and making up, marriage, commitment, self-esteem and self-worth from their parents. Put yourself in your kids shoes, but also remember that being a good parent starts with being a happy PERSON. Yes- It hurts children to go to their dad's house, and their mom's house. I have a neighbor, whose parents got divorced, and not he has a gun and shoots things. That is children rebelling from their problems such as divorce of their parents. So, go back to your spouse, say you are sorry, and love each other.
[Comment:That argument is invalid. Do you know just how aggressive your neighbor would be if he'd lived through a rocky marriage instead?
Just aside from the fact that his shooting probably has nothing to do with "revenge upon the world" but is just a hobby like fishing for others.]
- Yes. I think its a good idea. Children need BOTH parents. As long as the "rocky" things aren't any sort of abuse or anything that is putting you in danger, I think its worth a shot.
- No! My mother stayed with my father who drank a lot. It was extremely hard on my brother and I, and it also made our school grades suffer. It was like walking on egg shells. There in no way you could humanly go back to your husband and act as if there is nothing wrong with your relations. Children are extremely perceptive!
- Sometimes it is more difficult for the child if you returned and your moods change negatively because you lost the partner you loved. You can only maintain a happy relationship with your child if you are happy too.
- No, you should NOT! You will screw up your children's emotional well-being. They will pick up your behavior habits and assume that is the relationship that they should have because it is all they knew and learned. It will make many relationship problems for the children when they grow up. Staying together for the children and not love is a terrible mistake many adults assume is best, but if they are more educated then they will understand it is the WORST thing they could do for the children.
- I think, having been there myself NO. Your health must come first, an abusive man DRAINS YOU MENYALLY AND PHYSICALLY INDEED IF YOU ARE WELL YOUR CHILD WILL BE WELL. It is best for you both to go it alone, I've been there. To go back makes no change, he will probably get worse. Get a good solicitor, go to WOMENS AID, THE POLICE, try not to be afraid or embarrassed of these sources provide GREAT ON GOING SUPPORT AND ADVICE. You will also be respected by your family doctor all information's confidential. Sadly a situation like a rocky marriage seldom changes. Have I jumped to conclusions in believing you lived with abuse? Mental torture and making nasty comments is abuse. I wish you luck you will survive if you decide to go it alone I'm away now 5 years. I am finally well and happy, and I've 2 children they are happy. If you stay you will be depressed on guard fearful your child will feel all these emotions, is it worth the pain? Go with your gut feeling. . . . . .LOOK AFTER YOU AND YOUR CHILD . . .
- If you want to work it out with your children's father/mother because you want to be together, then try it. Don't stay together for the kids. It will most likely hurt them more in the long run. If handled correctly, a split between a child's parents can be something that is easy for them to understand and over come. I am a child of divorce, and I am very well adjusted, happily married and love and get along with both of my parents.
- It depends on how rocky the situation is. If it was something less than abuse or infidelity, then you can most likely overcome the problems. It takes work, and it takes sacrifice, but it's possible to find happiness again.
Answer
If both of you aren't happy being married and can't make each other happy anymore, then you shouldn't because you can't have joint-custody of the child, and the child will still have both of the parents! If both of you are unhappy and only want to be together because of your child will only make things worse and hurt the child more. The child isn't in a happy environment and has two unhappy miserably parents who don't want to be together, but they want to try because of the child, and it would feel like its their fault his parents are like this! If it will benefit the whole family and you make each other happy, then yes everybody deserves a second chance! Every relationship has problems. Its just a test to see if the love is strong enough to make it through the rough times and makes the relationship so much stronger so do whatever makes a happy and worth-being in environment for the child. Don't do anything because you feel obligated to because you feel like the child will not have both parents because that's not true at all. If the mom is a the best mom she can be and the dad is the best dad he can be but are divorced doesn't mean the child doesn't have the same things a child with married parents has. Good luck. I hope I helped you out, and if I didn't I'm sorry! That's my opinion, though you can do whatever you want to do.
Answer
Simple answer: NO.
When you suffer, your child does too.As the saying goes, "If the mommas happy, she'll make you happy; if momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy." Including the kids. Take it from someone who knows.The child wants a peaceful and secure, loving home. That is not possible with two parents eye-poking and hair-pulling all the time. And don't think you're hiding it; kids are smarter than we give them credit for. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that such a living situation is acceptable or do you want your child to seek out a happy adult life?
You can work things out from across town too. Return to cohabitation when you can get along and play nice.
CommentI agree! As my late mother - who had an excellent understanding of children - sometimes said, "The child's mood reflects the mother's".Children have a deep-seated need for peace, order, predictability, love and kindness and, not least, also for rational behaviour on the part of the parent(s). If you're in a really rocky relationship, you can't give this. If, just as you are about to sit down to a family meal, the household routine is badly disrupted because your partner throws a temper tantrum, then how is the child going to a sense of security, predictability, order and rational behaviour?
AnswerNo, not for the sake of the child. You should work through things no matter what. It will not benefit anyone if you use the child as a excuse for going back to or staying in a rocky marriage. The child will fair much better if the parents are honest with themselves and each other on whether the marriage is worth saving. Counseling helps sometimes but unless the partners reach deep down within themselves to let go of the past hurts, resentments, lies, failure to communicate, giving up, all these things must come out on the table and be worked on for a better plan in the future. The child will only be confused if left in the middle. Couples need to realize that there are subcultures within the family. All together is family, then mom & dad, siblings (if any) being parents does not mean you forget about being a couple, remember baby came after the wedding so you need to separate the two relationships and work on them individually. If there is absolutely no way to change the negatives in a relationship then the best thing is to move on with your lives. The only thing that will change will be the living arrangements, you will both still be parents to the child, forever and need to maintain a healthy relationship to teach the child about maturity, honestly, and boundaries. AnswerAbsolutely!!! AnswerAbsolutely NOT. My mother thought she would hang on until we got older to separate officially - for our sake - but when she checked with us she found out we didn't want him here either (not particularly anyway). She was really surprised, but happy too - I think life will be a LOT easier without him. You and your kids would end up tiptoeing around the guy. Just separate! It might sting at first but your kids should appreciate your feelings and may even feel the same way.Don't stick with a shoddy relationship just because you've had kids. It only makes matters worse.
NO WAYDon't go back!! Why go back to a relationship that is clearly not working out. You wouldn't want your children to grow up in an unhappy home. So for the children's sake, JUST LEAVE!!Think of the kidMy parents have never had a good marriage and I hate it. I've wanted them to get a divorce since middle school because us three kids ALWAYS get caught in the middle. Your child will be much happier and healthier in two happy homes than one conflicted one. You can't hide your problems because that just makes them more obvious and as the child gets older, he will be caught in the middle more because the temptation will be to treat him like the adult he's starting to resemble and confide in him. This might make you feel better, but leaves your child torn and resentful because he may look like an adult, but he will NEVER completely be one as far as you and your spouse should be concerned. You are the parents and the relationship between the two of you should be just that; the relationship between the TWO of you. The child is the innocent here, ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. The simple rule I'm getting at is NEVER STAY TOGETHER JUST FOR THE KIDS. EVER!AnswerGet counseling to see if you can work out your problems. If you can't, then no. AnswerI say absolutely. You`re doing things for you kids, even if you guys aren`t in love anymore, you have to work things out for you the sake of your child. You don`t want your kid not to have a father/mother right? Like me, my parents didn't work things out for us, now I have no father . So Basically , what I`m trying to say is , do it! AnswerWhen nothing you achieve will ever be enough, when your failings are used as a weapon to poison your child's mind. When you dread entering your own house, for fear, simply by being there, of prompting yet another row. When no matter what you say or do can bring you close again. For your own salvation pack up and leave her. Then you will have the chance of an honest and unencumbered relationship with your child. You will be in a better place to embrace and share all those important times in their life. OpinionNo way! To be straight up honest you shouldn't because that is going to make things worse. You may have some ups and downs or are guys taking a ride on a roller coaster ride or are you just screaming and yapping at each other all the time. If you're having ups and downs it's typical but if you're having roller coaster ride then you shouldn't continue your relationship because it wont work. Your child might be upset about getting a divorce but it happens and your child will know that, once he or she grows up. It is better for you and your child to just end it if you're on a roller coaster ride or yelling and yapping at each other. The main thing you should ask your child is what if your mom and dad got a divorce or split up? Wait until your child answers If your child doesn't understand, or doesn't know, do what your heart is feeling. Ask yourself are we going through ups and downs or on a roller coaster ride or yapping and yelling at each other? But if your child says (mom or dad) don't get a divorce or anything that involves a split up, then think about what you are feeling now. Sometimes your decisions should be based on you, not anyone else's opinion. So just ask yourself everything!NO. I'm 20 and my parents were together up until I was 17 and I wish they would have ended sooner. If a married couple are unhappy it creates a negative environment. And kids, even the really young one's are way smarter than most give them credit for. They can pick up when they're parent's relationship is rocky. You can both be a part of their lives and be there as a family without all being under the same roof. If each of you is committed you can make this possible.
Answer
Hard as it is, the sooner you face up to the factors that made you leave and accept them, the easier it will be to start looking forward. Forward to building a new household, building a career where you are financially independent and to raising your child in a safe, warm home. As far as co-parenting, that is as difficult as the marriage was. Work hard to keep the relationship with the ex like neighbors, expecting polite, respectful treatment and giving it back the same--regardless of the feelings you have. Let yourself be single for a few years and find new friends and interests. It does all turn out okay in the end, just takes awhile.
- As long as your spouse is not an alcoholic; does drugs or has high anger issues; is verbally or physically abusive then it would be worth a try to get back together again if you still love your spouse see if they will try marriage counselling. Marriage is meant to be taken seriously and if there is a chance for the marriage to work out then both parties should try. If both do not communicate well or try hard to make a marriage work then divorce would be the next step. At least one of the spouses has to realize that the child comes first and if the two partners cannot or are unwilling to make a good effort at making the marriage work then neither partner are doing the child any favors by staying together.
What is the correlation of parents with an Autism-asperger's child and divorce?
There is no correlation between Autism and divorce.
Organisations such as Autism Speaks spread this myth to increase fear of Autism - suggesting that Autism is some terrible thing that breaks-up families in order to increase money people give them to eradicate Autism/Autistic people. There's no solid evidence to show that parents with Autistic children are more likely to divorce than parents with neurotypical children.
When parents are no longer together, they have no right to decide whether the other parent begins to date, or whom they even date.
Hopefully there will have been introduced to the new person in the relationship prior to them spending the night, but unfortunately this is not a requirement regardless of how the other parent feels about it.
Should the children be split up between parents during a divorce?
No, children are not community property, and should not be treated as such. It's hard enough on the children for the parents to divorce, so for them to be split from their siblings would make it even harder for them.
If the parents can't agree on which one would be the best one to have custody of the kids, the courts will. But the children should all stay together, unless they honestly want to be split up. And then it should only be considered if there is good reason to do so, and only after counseling with a child psychologist.
Why would your father abandon your mother and her 4 children after a divorce?
There are probably as many reasons as you can imagine. Sometimes, the father leaves for a "short while", to get himself together....but time passes, he feels bad for not being there....scared of the repercussions of disapearing etc. Knowing he is alive and where he lives, maybe a possible contact with him might help you put this event at peace. Remember, there are no "good" or "bad" reasons, there are just reasons and events. Try and contact him with an open mind. The biggest advantage to doing this now is to do it before he dies....Then, you might never get answers. Good luck. Some parents are narcissists. When the family no longer provides them with narcissistic supply (attention, adulation, admiration) - they move on to "greener pastures".
What should you do if your dad hates you and your mom but likes your sisters?
you should love them because if they hates you should love him back
Can a man other than your husband get a DNA test on your child in Missouri?
Yes. Sometimes it is necessary when the husband is not the father. The biological father who wants his parental rights has to prove it by a DNA test. A male who has not been named the father of the child must obtain a court order before he can impel the child's mother to allow paternity testing.
A custody ruling is handed down by the courts and is legal. Your ex has broken the law! If you are working or married to someone else and all is well between you and your new husband, then you have a good chance gaining full custody of your son/daughter in a court of law. However, think of your son/daughter and not the bitter battle between your ex and yourself. Your son/daughter loves you both. A compromise must be considered for your son's/daughter's sake.
There are reasons a mother may not have the rights to custody (not accusing you here at all.):
Partying too muchDoing drugs or drinking too muchShe doesn't live in a stable environment to bring a child up inBrings too many men home after meeting them in various placesIs married to an abusive manShe travels in her job too much
The above are very good reasons why a mother would not have custody rights.
It's time to report the broken custody to police and then it's on record. See what they say and if nothing is done, then it's time to see a lawyer.
Good luckMarcy
What are the effects of broken family in children's physical health?
Physical? I would assume minimal as long as the child is getting fed sufficiently, and is treated appropriately when he/she falls ill.
Can a parent file for full custody because of difference of opinion?
The parent can petition for custody or can take the matter before a judge who will hear testimony and the issue a ruling.
Are children the cause of divorce?
no, the people who divorce each other are the cause of their own divorce.
if a parent or both parents want to blame their children or in some cases child for the divorce than they are not taking responsibility for their own actions.
divorce is the result of a failed or disappointing marriage.
marriages can sometimes be abusive or lacking in mutual affection or desire.
therefore, the result at best is divorce and at worst prolonged hardship endured by both partners and the children.
How should ex spouses communicate when they have new spouses?
Many have a a good relationship with their ex and can speak on the phone like normal people regarding their child. Others don't have such a great relationship and can only speak through their lawyers. Clearly the first example is the best one, especially for the child. The new spouse will clearly be in the child's life, that is what happens when you split up and move on. That does not mean the new spouse in any way can take the biological parents place. Children have room for all of them. But the most important part is that it's the biological parents only that makes the important decisions regarding the child. A step parent do not have any legal rights to the child.
How old do you have to be to have kids?
i say you to be 25 but itz your chose
Pleasee , you wouldn't wanna have kids at an early age unless you really want to . when you have kids , you cant go out you cant hang with your friends and you cant get anyhting done really or get started on your career because you have kids but its your chice just saying (:
No, you are not a bad person (you didn't break up a marriage) and he's divorced and free to date anyone he chooses. It depends on how long the divorce happened regarding his feelings about getting into a relationship again. He is a good father if you are looking at the full picture carefully and he has the responsibility of doing the right thing for his child. A mother of a child can divorce and carry on as far as what it takes to raise a child, but a father of a child fresh out of divorce has to not only earn a living, but also learn mothering skills and that's a full plate in itself. He has to worry about getting a nanny in or taking his child to pre school and being sure his child is safe. It's mind boggling and because you have no children you should get the stars out of your eyes for a few minutes and start seeing it from his side of the looking glass. A good suggestion is for you to sit in a quiet place and really thing of what this man is going through. He may have bad memories of his marriage and one ugly divorce behind him not to mention a possible messy sole custody battle of his child. That takes a lot out of a person and it appears the first person in his life is his child. He wants to settle in, get use to working and raising that child and you don't know for sure if his wife has custody of the child and he may worry when that child is with her. You've got a really good guy here and one you should be proud of! Don't push this man for now and go out for an occasional dinner or ask him over for dinner and the odd time ask him to bring his child over with him or perhaps suggest going out with him and his child so you get to know each other. That child has been through a lot as well. It's not all about you darlin'. If you really love him then you need to ground yourself better and take this relationship VERY slow. Don't hesitate to tell him you didn't stop and think about what he's been through and would like to go out together for the odd dinner. Take this opportunity to ask him and his child over for a good home cooked meal. Don't be angry at yourself because you made a bit of a mistake ... learn from it! We all make them.
Parents rights over an adult child?
In the US, parents have no rights over an adult child unless that adult child has been declared mentally incompetent by the court and the parents were appointed guardians as a result of that.
What age can children choose to live with the other parent from a divorce in Arizona?
It might depend on your parents decision. I'm not sure.
Do children of narcissistic parents have similar tendencies as their parents?
Many ACONs (Adult Children of Narcissists) have FLEAS... behaviors picked up from the NParent. With therapy and work they can be overcome.
