Improbable History

Tree Squeaks are small squirrel sized animals that frequent both deciduous and coniferous forests. Their furless hides are rough and brownish looking very much like the species of tree they inhabit. This protective coloration prevents them from being seen except by the most diligent of observers. They customarily hug limbs, trunks and branches in an effort to blend in.

What the casual hiker will observe however is their high pitched squeaking calls (hence the name) during walks through the more remote woods. These calls become more pronounced during high winds when the troop of Squeaks will call to assure each other that they are still there.

The Squeaks were originally a common animal throughout North America and Europe, to the extent that a common British dish was called "Bubble and Squeak". However pollution and urbanization has had a devastating impact on their numbers and the British have resorted to using leftover roast beef in this traditional meal. This is somewhat similar to the use of bogus ingredients in Haggis (the Scottish national dish) in place of actual free range or wild Haggis (the actual animal).

Human/Squeak interaction is limited except that Squeaks appear to delight in unnerving back country hikers by surrounding their campsites and squeaking up a storm.

The Tree Squeak has contributed to idiomatic English in phrases like "That was tight Squeak" (Meaning: Wow! I drank too much), "I barely Squeaked through" (Meaning: I always wear shirts that look like my wall paper so my wife can't find me to give me more chores)

There is also the Narrow Squeak that can only be shot by archers.

We need big pockets to keep our hands warm.

We have to put them somewhere.

Another advantage is deep pockets with short arms.

Really handy when it's your turn to by a round at the pub.

It is a term used in Higher Mathmatics.

On the Lighter Side

It was a device invented at the start of the 23rd Century to enable the Star Trek characters to run around through countless numbers of TV programmes and films without ever having to go to the bathroom. Also it enable the designers to make streamlined space vessels without clunking great waste management systems spoiling them. You never saw Scotty up to his arms in muck, now did you?.

Also, it could have brought a whole new meaning to the classic phrase, 'It's Life Jim, but not as we know it'.

The Lighter Side

Here at the University of WikiAnswers after much tea-drinking and choccie-biscuit dunking, we Supervisors have come up with a wizard plan to answer this question. On November 5th we are strapping a load of rockets to the back of the Supervisor Mike 2. Once aloft, the supernaut armed with his trusty meter rule will start measuring the universe. We estimate he will finish this little task somewhere around 9312AD.

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I don't do heights, is there any other way I could do the measuring ?

Plus added to the fact my tape measure is only 3 metres long, I think there may be a problem completing this mission on time.

And I'm a little worried about the heat from those rockets, they will be very close to a certain part of my anatomy,

No need to worry about a certain part of your anatomy, Jadeacres has made you a spacesuit from his old oven gloves.

As to the height problem we can send you out on a horizontal trajectory so you would not know you were climbing.

The tape measure is a problem, we are having a cup of tea and choccie biscuits over that.

I quote.

"we can send you out on a horizontal trajectory"

I thought I was going by rocket.

I wish you would make you minds up, I'm blonde and get easily confused.

Now if i do go on that trajectory thingy, will I still need those old oven gloves ?

Please change the word "send' to 'Launch" my fault not enough cups of tea.

Yes you will need those oven gloves they will be your sole source of food. Government cutbacks.

You will need a long tape measure, if you use more than one I might get the figures wrong.

Adding things up is not my strong point

If you have a problem adding then wait until you get to the end then on your way back you can simply take it away. That might give us the answer as zero. But it is still an answer.

Ah.

If the answer is zero, do I really need to go then ?

Yes you need to go, how can we be alive in a zero universe?

Plus we have your visa and everything!

Visa, Oh man you got me a credit card.

Is there anywhere I can use it up there ?

Nope. But it is a gold one and it will add 4cm to your tape. That should cut down on the measuring.

Sorry Gregg!

Aww, come on guys. Whatever is Mike2 going to do to keep himself preoccupied while he is up there?

Probably read 'How to win friends and influence people'.

Gasp!! Mike can read?

Damn, another well kept secret leaked.

Is there wi fi access up there ?

Would be nice if there was.

I could keep all you lot down on Earth informed of my progress via IM.

Would let you know if the tape had run out, i could even have a conversation with myself.

but I fear that would be a rather unintelligent conversataion.

Well all I can say is, it's a good job there's pictures in that book

That's the wrong book Mike! Put it away!

Anyone seen my choccie biscuits?

No it's a picture book of origami.

I can fold a paper plane.

If the rockets fail I have my transport home then,

Is it by Status Quo?.

Quite possibly by Status Quo.

Just hope i don't burn my bridges by attempting this measuring thing.

Caroline wouldn't be happy.

Especially if I returned like a matchstick man.

I would hate to be n the Army Now

I don't wanna be Rocking All Over the world

I will be looking forward to the end of this project, as I'm not good at heights I want to be Down Down as soon as possible

Then let us know what The Dark Side of the Moon looks like and we'll be in the Pink.

That goes without saying.

I will try and ask Neds Atomic Dustbin if I see them up there

He's fallen in the water!.

You could always use Jefferson's Airplane or come to that Starship.

Hey look what I can see, theres Smoke on the water

And in the distance, is that Michael Jackson, Moonwalking ?

Or even Elvis singing Fly Me to the Moon?.

Could be Frank Sinatra singing Come Fly with Me.

Yes but I would be the Rocket man

We may need to bring this forward.

With bonfire night looming on us, we need to secure a good supply of gunpowder for my rocket, before it's all used for fireworks.

I know a few people would like it to be a one way trip, but I do like it here on terrafirma

Looks like he has worked out our plan guys, back to the drawing board.

LOL, I don't know, it's just fiction. Use your imagination. It's fun! :D