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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
I have the same question!!! So many things to consider. First of all, Ns are very charming and I'm sure he/she has already brainwashed their victim. I'm guessing even if you come forward the victim will probably not believe you, at least at first. The narcisist has probably prepared him/herself for the potential exposure of his/her ill deeds. I truly understand your plight, however. I think you should try to warn the person if you feel it is the right thing to do but ONLY after careful deliberation and preparation. You must do this in a way that will put in you in the least vulnerable position possible. Try to be anonymous as you've said but make sure you have a restraining order or something to back you up. Keep away from the N. Any reaction to them will stroke their deluded ego. If the N comes after you anyway, do not show fear. This will drive them crazy. If after warning the victim they still don't believe you and the narcisist has it out for you, at least you will know that you did what you felt was right. Of course this all depends on how important that feeling is for your inner resolution and closure. It is easy to say these words to you but I know how hard this decision is. I am going through the same thing and it keeps me up at night. Hence why I'm on this site at 3:30am when i have to work tomorrow. Answer Hopefully, the new person will think to check in with the ex (you) and then you can be honest with them. The deal is, that the next person is not you and will take in the experience at their own pace. Stepping in to inform them will just reinforce what the N says about you and your message will be lost. Take care of yourself and be there if a call for help comes.
Did the Hutu or the Tutsi think they were better?
i think it was all about revenge i think it was all about revenge i think it was all about revenge i think it was all about revenge
escaping from home is not a good idea if your younger the age of 16 before you do anything silly think of the consequences and realise what you are doing. If you need to escape from because of abusive behaviour , only tell the people you trust. Instead of escaping from the horrible situation there are other options. call childline or adultline there are caring workers who listen to your problems and help you as soon as they can.
Do emotionally abusive people stop the abuse when moving on to another relationship?
Most likely not without some counseling.
Most abusers are serial abusers. They continue to abuse others in successive relationships, pretty much with the same MO (mode of operation).
I don't think so. We all have patterns for relationships in our lives....I do believe, with good therapy, that victims can choose better mates and choose better relationships. I firmly believe, though, that abuser tend to go back to their old ways eventually...the only thing that can mellow an abuser is old age (feeble).
I escaped my abuser over 3 months ago. He is still trying to abuse, intimidate and control me. And he has been actively looking for his next victim for months. Even before I broke up with him. I even begged him for the last year to find someone else knowing that he (in the past) always had one on the hook before he left the current one!!!!!
I find that sometimes I think of others before myself. I have learned a good bit about controlling relationships but find I attract those types of people in my life and am frighten of doing the same thing again. I have a psychologist whom is helping me but would love to get into a relationship but want it to be a healthy one.
I believe not...its becomes habit..they get in that mode..they get use to it and cant seem to function any other way..
no they don't just change with out help, because people who are abusive were probably abused them self or seen other people abused. so they abuse people them self because it makes them feel like their in control and have more power.
Is there any way to get a verbally abusive partner to see what he does?
Well you can try to talk to that person (reasonably) when they are not angry of course. Telling them how the abuse makes you feel may have some bearing on how they treat you. If you have a partner that cares anything about you and respects your feelings then he or she needs to work on how they communicate their feelings to people without being disrespectful. If they don't care how it makes you feel then maybe you need to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. Perhaps the person that you choose to spend your life with is not worthy of your time. Trying to make your abuser see your point of view and have empathy is a waste of time. Abuse is all about denial and distortion of reality and of language itself.
How much is 7.777 meters in meters?
7.777. Great question BTW..
yea great q by the way. wat bout reading wat u write before sendin it ?
Why does an abusive boyfriend often kill himself after he's murdered his girlfriend?
People who are abusive to their spouse and children (this can include women) are well aware of who they are and what they have done and still can do. Abusers are like a runaway locomotive and can't control their emotions. In most cases they have been brought up in an abused family, but the odd time there is an abuser that was brought up in an healthy environment, but somewhere along the way they feel they have been duped in society or by an individual and they become angry, depressed and a wave of "not being in control of their lives" comes over them. Instead of trying to understand there is something wrong and seeking help, abusers feel vindicated by abusing those around them; especially their mates.
Abusers know they are free to be in total control of their environment at home and since society will never tolerate such behavior they can seem like "the nice guy" at work, then go home and beat his wife, girlfriend or children. He considers his wife, girlfriend or children his property and therefore feels he can abuse them without reprocussions.
The abuser can feel love, but confuses it with a kind and loving type of love with a brutal and controlled way of life. One moment the abuser can be almost normal and be loving, caring, gentle and apologetic and even buy gifts so his wife or girlfriend will forgive him and all is well ..... until the next time! This is because they are trying to control their environment and not facing reality and they want their lives perfect (perfect wife, girlfriend, children) and they never do accomplish it because simply put, there is no such thing. None of us are perfect and we all make mistakes and no, not everyone is happy 100% of their lives. In an abusers mind they blame the wife and possibly children for not maintaining the perfect family life.
As much as we detest abusers, it's a sad merry-go-round these people are on and inside they know they are not much of a man. An abuser can love (in their twisted sense) and feel great passion which can lead into stalking someone they care about, even a girlfriend. Abusers are well aware that beating someone of lesser strength than themselves is wrong, and they know ever part of an abusive personality is wrong, but they just can't seem to control it and are not likely to seek help for it. Unfortunately, murder is very high on the list of abused women. Some abusers love/hate themselves so if they murder their girlfriend, wife and in some cases children, they know they can't live with themselves. In fact, this is the key to their own type of cure .... kill the one I love so no one else can have her and I'll kill myself to be with her; she'll be mine forever! This is truly unfortunate. I help at a Women's Abuse Center and I've seen two women whose abuser made a bad attempt at slitting their throats. Was it a bad attempt? I don't think so. I think they realized what they were doing and never finished off the poor woman. Still, living with any abuser is a very high risk and slapping, hitting, kicking cursing can easily turn into murder.
The abuser is the poster child for "You always hurt the one's you love."
If this is someone you know I am very sorry this happened. It's important for abused women to know inside of themselves that their lives are not over and that there is lots of help out there. Contact Abused Women's Centers in your area, or contact your local mental health and they will help the person out.
Statistics show that well over 80% of the abused women go back to their abuser. Those of us who haven't experienced abuse find this odd, but it really isn't. The abuser has made the victim feel useless, and stripped her of all dignity and terrifying her into believing how terrible the world is out there and they can never survive without the abuser by their side. Therefore, abused women live looking over their shoulders, and wondering when and if their abuser will turn up. They generally will go back to the abuser (familiar environment) or stay in a pattern of meeting abusive men. Their self confidence is extremely low and it's up to the Transition Houses to give the psychiatric counseling and legal counsel (this will be done if one should contact the Abused Women's Center.) I know many women who have conquered their fears and are now living wonderful lives and several have remarried wonderful men and are extremely happy.
I would also like to add, when an abused woman seeks help from an Abused Women's Center the police will do everything they can to help because they see that woman means business and is trying her best to get help. If a police officer is called to a home where the wife is badly beaten she is more likely to refuse pressing charges because she is terrified and the laws aren't all that strong and in many cases the police will handcuff the abuser and throw him in jail. However, they can only keep the abuser so long without the abused pressing charges. Women's Abuse Centers and people like myself fight every inch up the ladder to government to stop this violence again women (and men in some cases) and we are winning! Laws are slowly being changed.
Please look up the "Saldana case." She was a movie actress whose boyfriend hunted her down, stabbed her over 9 times in front of a streetful of people in broad daylight. Thanks to a passing jogger taking down her abuser she lived, but it was many years before she had the courage to fight back and when she did she went all out. She has created many "safe houses" and fights for the rights of women.
Marcy
From personal experience..
Do what your father asked you to do nothing else nothing less.
Do not become greedy nor engage in any confrontations simply call the police and let them handdle your sibblings kee the police reports and save them.
People always feel entitled to something specially when it comes to a father or mother who has left property after their death. To them they feel that they have been cheated and demand whats theirs... To be honnest with you its greed nothing good comes from it you will see a new horrible side from them and they will try to abuse you in any way that they can so you can give in into their demands. But dont let it get to you. You are an adult and your father has trusted you enough to carry out his last wish there is a reason why he didnt name your sibblings as executors. (as you can already tell)
The law is in your side and any judge will always side with you in other words you have their nuts in your hands if they want to act like kids than treat them like kids. You have the athority to execute your fathers will as you please so you need to tell them if they dont cut the crap they will get nothing.
Remember is your dads will not theirs.
Do abusive men move on to do this to other woman?
Well it depends. If he has a serious hate for women then the answer is most likely yes. But if he just enjoys abusing one specific women then no.
-This is not professionally answered, this is what I think.
Get him counseling asap with a therapist who UNDERSTANDS destructive narcissism.
What does the last name Seay mean?
the last name 'seay' means power! and that's toally my last name! and my dad makes fun of it he says 'no man should contain all this power'! wowowow! cheesy,but cute:]
Abusive individuals (can be man/woman) usually they have learned this behavior in their family environment. There are perhaps abusive parents (generally the father, but some mothers can be abusive as well.) Then there are some abusers that were brought up in a good family, but somewhere out in society the abuser has become discontent with themselves and feels the world owes them a living. They become introverted in some cases, nasty, mean, but also can be like chameleons and fool some people into thinking they are the greatest person on the face of the earth. Example: We have a town Mayor I never liked (unlike me to feel that way) but there was a gut instinct about this guy and I knew he wasn't on the up-and-up. He wasn't in office for more than a few months when he was up on charges of abuse towards his wife. Since this was the first time anyone had heard anything bad about the Mayor some of the community sided with him and I always feel you need both sides of a story. After that things just seems to subside and everything was quiet (didn't surprise me because people in office either pay their way out of things or keep it hush-hush because of bad publicity.) Well, a month ago he was up on 1 count of abuse to his wife; another count of harassing, threatening and stalking his girlfriend (not the first time) and 5 counts of refusing to appear in court! This said a lot about the character of our Mayor and he was arrogant enough to think that his personal life had nothing to do with being Mayor and he was beyong the law! When you are holding an important position anywhere you should keep a tight curb on your personal life because it reflects on who you are. He also thought he had done nothing wrong and that after serving a short period of time in jail and possibly some "house arrest" he'll come back as acting Mayor and move on. No way! We don't want him as Mayor and find him to be arrogant, he has been deemed an alcoholic and it's apparent this man has needed some counseling for a very long time. They can't fire him from City Hall, but the City Hall Counsel made a statement in our local news that they will not honor him as Mayor and that means they won't back him on any events going on in the community so he has no power and will have to leave. I told you the above story to show you that abuse comes from the powerful as well as the working Joe, that abusers are arrogant and feel they can get away with anything. They act like their wife, children, right down to the family pet is their property to do with as they so choose and it's no one else's business and "no big deal." Slavery went out of the window in Western countries decades ago! Abusers are masterful at making the victim feel loved at first, then slowly the abuser starts to get their own way or order their victim around in small ways such as ordering for them out in a public restaurant, how to think and what clothes to wear when they go out to a special event. Abusers slowly weave their web of brain-washing and will generally isolate their victim from their family and friends which gives the abuser much more control. They will take away the independence of the victim and are crafty enough to have the victim believe they are at fault and end up with no dignity or self confidence left. Abuse can happen in the rich/powerful/poor and in any race. There are Abuse Centers all over the U.S. and Canada and all you have to do is make up your mind to leave your abuser and then phone the Abuse Center and they will not only help you, but provide excellent programs to unscramble what the abuser has scrambled in the victim's brain. They help get the victim back their independence, dignity, make them realize they don't have to put up with abuse, when to spot abuse and not to go back to an abusive situation or choose another mate who is abusive because of lack of self esteem or simply being used to being ordered around and told what to do. Each individual has control control of themselves and this includes the victims of abuse. One is stronger than they think!
List 5 indicators that a person may be abusive?
possesiveness
lies
lack of commitment
moody
secretive
Why support domestic violence?
- Domestic violence is one of the leading problems from today's hectic lifestyle; economic problems such as loss of jobs and financial issues along with scare tactic propaganda through media that effects many individuals. Also drugs such as alcohol or street drugs can often create domestic violence. Although women are more likely to be beaten by their mate there are more and more men who are also abused by their mate. Domestic violence should be supported because the victim (man or woman) can be harassed; threatened and in some cases even murdered and most importantly when domestic violence goes on in families it effects any children they may have and a high rate of those children will go on to become abusive in their lifetime (chain reaction.) By being supportive people can change the lax laws of domestic abuse to protect the victims involved.
How can one say that an abusive person will not change in a different relationship?
Abusers are inherently selfish and manipulating . They can manage to present a false image ; but not for long.If the relationship survives any length at all,it will only be a matter of time before he shows his true colors.
One cannot say. Still, past conduct is the best predictor of future conduct. Professional help and intervention can help some. The sad fact is that most abusers are serial.
Unfortunately I don't think anyone can tell you one thing or another that will make it stop hurting. Only time can heal your wounds. In the mean time, go out... Go out with the girls, or guys. Visit with friends. Find a new hobby. Do something that takes your mind off it for as long as possible, and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt as much. The next day, it'll hurt even less. Live and live well : )
That attitude is immature and irrational.
If someone is hostile and angry; just avoid them. Life's too short to be wasting your time on people who are hostile toward you.
If you follow through with what you're asking, you become the problem, and you end up being the hostile and angry person that others want to avoid.
You need to make it clear to all family members that you do not like the behavior of your sister-in-law and that you will no longer tolerate it.
AnswerWhat do you mean by "what if"? Disengage. Put a distance between you and her. AnswerAbuse perpetuates abuse in others. You should not have anything to do with your abuser...period! If that means cutting family ties than so be it. The abuse will not stop no matter how much you try to encourage it to stop. God Bless AnswerHi thereSounds like you are the only one with a whole lot of sense. It's important that we understand what "abuse" is. It's sort of like sexual harrassment in the workplace. A tap on the shoulder, pull on the ear lobe does not mean the person doing it is sexually harrassing you. Could it be possible your sister-in-law has a twisted sense of humor? If this isn't the case here are a few things you can do (I did it with one of my abusive sister-in-laws.)
You take the family aside and tell them how you feel. Be sure they don't know something you don't. Example: Your sister-in-law is very sick and could be on a medication of treatment that causes her behavior to be abusive. If she is fit as a fiddle then let your feelings fly from the hip. Also add, that if you all don't stick together on facing your sister-in-law and get a few things out in the open and straightened out that you will not be over on the days she is there. Be prepared that this little meeting will surely get back to your sister-in-law faster than the speed of light. Stand your ground! When you have to face your sister-in-law be calm, and tell her how you feel. Of course we both know she will not accept any of what you say and probably become more abusive, but it's important to get it off your chest, then there will be no misunderstandings of what comes next. After this is over stick to your word and stay away from any further contact with your sister-in-law. If you family still accepts her behavior then that is their choice, but not yours! You can have your parents or siblings over to your place if need be.
I did the above with my abusive sister-in-law and banned her from our home and it took about a year, but it worked and now we are friends and get along well.
Good luck. You don't deserve any type of bad behavior from anyone. If you respect that person, they should respect you back, and if not, it's time to walk on by for the time being.
Good luck Marcy
Should you live with someone you dont love just because you dont want to be alone?
Never ever settle for someone you don't love. They deserve someone who truly loves them and you would be shortchanging them. Practice your skills, and pretty soon you will enjoy the features of living alone for the time being.
Why is it so hard for you to move on if you were in a abusive relationship?
Usually it is because you don't want to believe that a person did that to you. You try to shove it off and say maybe it was my fault he/she hit me. You think maybe it was an accident or it wont happen again. Do not get back in a relationship with someone who has abused you. It is very dangerous, especially when the person has a criminal record. You have to watch out for some of these things. Maybe you were in love with this person but something just slipped. You want to think that it all was just a dream. Some people actually think that when something traumatizing has happened. Your true love will come someday. The only way they won't is if you stop looking for them.
I really hope my answer helped
