Divorce

The quick answer: According to the American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples divorce. However, that range is quite broad, and the numbers hide some important information. By delving deeper into divorce statistics, we can find a more accurate estimate.

First, the crude divorce rate—the total number of divorces during the year per 1,000 people—is 2.9, per the latest figures from the National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS). The crude marriage rate is currently 6.9. That means that each year, there are about 2.4 marriages for every divorce. At one point, the crude marriage rate was twice the crude divorce rate, and that’s likely where the “50 percent of all marriages end in divorce" saying came from.

But crude divorce rates can be misleading, since saying "the number of divorces is half of the number of marriages" is different from saying "50 percent of all marriages end in divorce." Crude marriage statistics are only accurate for the year they’re measured; in the 1970s, divorce rates rose sharply, but people may have found divorce easier thanks to the introduction of new no-fault marriage laws, and some women may have put off marriage to pursue their careers.

Divorce statistics are difficult to accurately measure, and they change significantly over time. Even if you’ve got access to the latest crude statistics, you have to adjust for an enormous number of variables, and the U.S. Census isn’t much help, sense the NCHS stopped collecting detailed data on divorcees' age, income, race, and education back in 1996. That’s unfortunate, because those factors certainly affect the discussion.

Let’s start with a simple example. Some people get married and divorced multiple times, and if you’re trying to determine whether you, personally, have a 50 percent chance of being divorced in your lifetime, you’d probably want to exclude those “serial marriers" from your statistics, or at least make an adjustment so that their numerous divorces don’t cloud the statistics. After all, if a person gets married and divorced twice, they have a significantly higher chance of getting divorced after their third marriage.

Additionally, if you want to determine whether or not you have a high chance of a divorce, you’d also want to restrict your data to people from your generation, since cultural norms change over time. Millennials, for instance, are less likely to get divorced than older generations, but they’re also less likely to get married in the first place.

That brings up another issue, as age also plays a role in trends over time. According to Pew Research, divorce rates have increased among older Americans since 1990, doubling in the 50–65 age bracket and tripling in the 65+ bracket. And while millennials are getting fewer divorces, that trend might change over time—millennials are marrying at older ages than previous generations, so it’s possible that we could hit a “divorce boom" at some point in the future.

That likely will depend on the reasons that millennials are putting off marriage; are they being more selective when choosing their partners, or can they simply not afford to get married in the first place? Divorce rates might jump, but they might not, and a good forecast needs to look closely at the underlying issues rather than the simple statistics.

As you can see, divorce statistics quickly become extremely complex, and because all of these factors change over time, divorce rates become inaccurate almost immediately after they’re measured.

Fortunately, there are numbers we can look at to see national trends, as long as we understand that they’re not applicable to every new marriage.

Many social scientists prefer to ask the question this way: What percentage of all people who have ever been married have been divorced? That number peaked at 41 percent, reported The New York Times, and has steadily decreased through the 2000s for most age groups.

Similarly, for the period from 2011 to 2015, the National Survey of Family Growth forecasted that first marriages among women aged 15-44 had about a 45 percent chance of being disrupted (either by divorce or permanent separation) within 15 years. That’s a fairly good number to keep in mind, and seems more accurate than the "40 to 50 percent" range quoted at the beginning of this answer.

But that doesn’t mean that your new marriage has a 45 percent chance of ending in divorce. Your exact chances of encountering a divorce will change based on your age, location, income level, religion, and a host of other statistics that can’t be neatly summed up in a single number. Still, it’s probably the most accurate estimate of nationwide divorce trends—just take it with a grain of salt (and maybe throw a few grains of rice while you’re at it).

You should arrange a consultation with an attorney and ask about the possibility of your husband being required to pay your legal costs if you can prove he is abusive. Ask friends, co-workers, relatives, neighbors, etc., if any have heard of any lawyers who did a good job representing clients in your position.

Also, many larger cities have programs where you can get an attorney to help you for free if you can show need - which is most likely you can in this type of situation. In addition, there is assistance at shelters for abused/battered women and a person can always contact one of these types of shelters and they can direct you to an attorney that can help you. Look up the phone number for the state bar in the state where you live. You can google something like "state bar of name of your state" and call or email them. They can provide you with information for "pro bono" attorneys (attorneys that do work for free). There are lots of options out there so don't give up and don't stay with someone who is abusive to you. Life is too short for that and no one deserves to live like that.

This is a question that you can only answer for yourself. There is a more important issue here and that is your relationship. The "homewrecker" may not have known that your spouse was married. If he or she did, then that person shares some of the blame. However, it is unlikely that your cheating spouse believed the homewrecker to be his or her "soulmate." As such, the cheating could have occurred with any number of people.

Do you still love your spouse? If so, then speak to your spouse and try to fix the marriage. This may mean speaking with a marriage counselor, a clergyman or other trusted person. You have to decide if this infidelity is unpardonable and requires a divorce. If not, then you may try to save the marriage.

If you have decided that the marriage is not salvagable, then speak to a divorce attorney right away. You need to know your legal rights. For all you know, the conversation with your divorce attorney may make you reconsider your original decision.

Whatever you do, violence is not the answer. Do not threaten or assault the "homewrecker." This will not help you at all. In fact, it can only harm you.

Answer

By your use of the term 'homewrecker' it is clear that you have not viewed this situation honestly. The only problem you can/should address in this situation is your spouse. Your spouse is the one who strayed. It is not the fault of the other person who is involved. They owe no duty to you. Only your spouse does. You need to ask why your spouse allowed the situation to develop in the first place, what is wrong in your marriage, can it be fixed, do you want to fix it and does your spouse want to fix it. The only person who can remove the other party involved is your spouse. You each need to decide on where you go from here.