Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence

Report your suspicion of child abuse to the NSPCC (National Society for Prevention to Cruelty to Children). They can be found online and in the telephone book. Other countries, than the UK, should have similar societies they can contact locally.

Nearest police station first after that the authority of your country.

It might be possible. Most of the time, when someone is guilty of something they will try to pin it on other people, usually by grilling another person with questions. But don't jump to conclusions, especially if this boyfriend is someone special. Maybe he's just a little bit jealous.

He would probably want to be with you and talk to you more often. He would probably ask you out and want to share things with you. He would want to become physical in some form to you. He might want to kiss you.

It depends on the situation. If most wives waited for their husbands to be motivated enough to entertain others or even go out then we'd be very lonely women. If he is using this to "get even" with you this is another story. If this is the case go out without him! Don't let ANYONE control your social life. It would be a good idea to communicate with your husband. Perhaps he works shift-work and is just plain tired. If so, come to some agreement that one night a week you both do something together or with friends and the other times when you need to get out of the house you could go out with girlfriends. Many of us rely on our girlfriends for some entertainment. Good luck Marcy My ex, would insist that he pays for the date always (even if he literally took the money from my purse to pay for it) and he insisted that he should be the "man" and ask me out. And not the other way around. I would be severely criticized if I asked. So needless to say as he went out to basketball, hockey games, a monthly night out with this guy, and weekly drinks with the guys, and then of course, he worked hard so he was entitled to go for a drink....I waited alot. We went out 1 in the last year we were together, 3 times the year before and only 4 times the year before. Everyone else came before me. He didn't even take me out during these three past years, to celebrate any of the 3 kids we had, the house that we bought together or even when we got engaged. (ALthough he was entitled to go out and celebrate with his buddies). So if you end up feeling like you're on an never-ending to-do list then yes it is.

As a guy, don't waste your time, move on. It would be like doing body work on an old car that doesn't have value.

Well, if you love the man for being him, consider what makes him insecure. There are types of insecure men. The man who is not so insecure but knows when he is talking beyond the limits of people around them. In this case he becomes insecure when he has to stop and no-one wants elaboration, so try listening and asking him questions.

Next there is the man that is so used to people taking the drop your losses approach as mentioned before. It comes down to the partner, if you love him then nurture him.

Remember, people are creatures of self fulfillment. Consider yourself, what do you do that makes you happy, what hints do you drop for him to pick up on. All people do it. For example. Does he make you a cup of coffee in the morning because he knows you like it? If he started that routine then obviously it him trying to show you what he likes. Perhaps focus on these hints and he will begin to open up to you even more. == ==

You have several options, in the event that someone swears at you. You can ignore them, you can walk away, you can swear at them in return, you can ask what the problem is, you can apologize for whatever this person is angry about. Your choice of option depends upon the circumstances. People swear at other people for many different reasons.

No one here can tell you. He might not know himself, really.

Whatever the reason, enjoy the lack of abuse, and get to work healing from the harm the verbal abuse did to you so you can avoid verbally abusive boyfriends in the future. New answer: I agree with the first contributor, you shouldn't worry maybe he felt regret and sorrow for what he did, but you should be over joyed that you are out of that harmful environment If you are ever in an abusive relationship again END IT! You can get very hurt many young girls die or get seriously injured from abusive boy friends/ husbands it doesn't matter if it was verbal or not IT COULD TURN PHYSICAL!!! now I'm sure you don't want that!

A bully has almost always been bullied themselves. Some of the best ways to deal with one is to show kindness to them, show them that you are not afraid of them, and NOT to fight back ( that only makes things worse) . Hope this helps!

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sexually abused as a child :Hello, My daughter was sexually abused as a child. She is now 40 years old, and is still having problems of having a normal sexual relationship with a man. She has had feelings of guilt of being "dirty," and "bad" , because only bad girls have this happen to them., in her mind........ She has had problems of trying to get attention from men with sex, because that is what her step father wanted from her. All she wanted was love. He was punished for his crimes, but that doesnt change her pain that she will have forever.

Find a local place that takes women in who have abusive partners. Do it without warning or otherwise alerting him. Do not use your cell phone (or any other resource he can track, like a home computer/private email) to contact them. Your safe place will offer you counseling and other help for your situation. Your safety, and that of your children, is more important than anything else. If he is at all violent, being with a family member, endangers them, too. Generally, people like this abuse others in secret and depend on keeping it that way. Also, others prefer not to become involved or take sides, so friends can be a dead end. My outside "team" got me away safely and if you follow their advice, you will be able to escape, too.

I think you just did. Now tell someone your close to or your family. If your with someone abusive you need to get away. I firmly believe NO ONE has the right to treat anyone else badly. They hate themselves and need to project it onto everyone else.

I believe you will have more reason to be afraid if you don't tell someone else.

The more people who are aware of your situation the better, as when you decide that you can take no more, you will always have people who understand and will give you shelter and or support.

Do not be ashamed to speak up. It is not your fault that your partner is abusive. Put the shame on him by letting others know!

The abuser mistreats only his closest - spouse, children, or (much more rarely) colleagues, friends, and neighbours. To the rest of the world, he appears to be a composed, rational, and functioning person. Abusers are very adept at casting a veil of secrecy - often with the active aid of their victims - over their dysfunction and misbehavior.

Read about the abuser's tactics and concealment and manipulation here: Telling Them Apart Facilitating Narcissism This is why the abuser's offending behavior comes as a shock even to his closest, nearest, and dearest.

In the October 2003 issue of the Journal of General Internal Medicine, Dr. Christina Nicolaidis of the Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, studied 30 women between the ages of 17 and 54, all survivors of attempted homicide by their intimate partners.

Half of them (14) confessed to have been "completely surprised" by the attack. They did not realize how violent their partner can be and the extent of risk they were continuously exposed to. Yet, all of them were the victims of previous episodes of abuse, including the physical sort. They could easily have predicted that an attempt to end the relationship would result in an attack on body and property.

"If I had talked to some of these women before the attack, I would have counseled them about the domestic violence, but I would not have necessarily felt that their lives were in danger," Nicolaidis told Reuters - "Now I am more careful to warn any woman who has experienced intimate partner violence about the risk to her life, especially around the time that the relationship is ending".

Secrecy is a major weapon in the abuser's arsenal. Many batterers maintain a double life and keep it a well-guarded secret. Others show one face - benign, even altruistic - to an admiring world and another - ominous and aggressive - at home. All abusers insist on keeping the abuse confidential, safe from prying eyes and ears.

The victims collaborate in this cruel game through cognitive dissonance and traumatic bonding. They rationalize the abuser's behavior, attributing it to incompatibility, mental health problems, temporary setbacks or circumstances, a bad relationship, or substance abuse. Many victims feel guilty. They have been convinced by the offender that they are to blame for his misconduct ("you see what you made me do!", "you constantly provoke me!").

Others re-label the abuse and attribute it to the batterer's character idiosyncrasies. It is explained away as the sad outcome of a unique upbringing, childhood abuse, or passing events. Abusive incidents are recast as rarities, an abnormality, few and far between, not as bad as they appear to be, understandable outbursts, justified temper tantrums, childish manifestations, a tolerable price to pay for an otherwise wonderful relationship.

When is a woman's life at risk?

Nicolaidis Reuters: "Classic risk factors for an attempted homicide by an intimate partner include escalating episodes or severity of violence, threats with or use of weapons, alcohol or drug use, and violence toward children."

Yet, this list leaves out ambient abuse - the stealth, subtle, underground currents of maltreatment that sometimes go unnoticed even by the victims themselves. Until it is too late.

This little realization just happpened this week...!

My abuser is constantly doing things for all 'his' friends. I feel that they only see what he wants them to see.

A couple of times when I desperately needed someone to talk to, I tried to talk to one of the women (that I felt close to) but was more or less cut off from discussing anything negative about him. He's always helping them.

Brand new to this page, so please overlook protocol errors... I'm 1 month out of a mind-bending 4yr "relationship" with a highly intelligent stealth abuser. One of the biggest reality disconnects I felt much of the time was observing how incredibly kind, funny, self-effacing, charming, "would do anything for you"and flirtatious he was with EVERYONE but me (of course, true to form, he was that way with me in the beginning (ie:buying out the Pharmacy when I had the flu, little surprise delights). Shortly after we became sexually intimate his Jekyll and Hyde personalities emerged.

His underlings at work (all highly educated and respectable folk) would go to the ends of the earth for him. He has exactly one close friend (and his wife) who think he is God. They even made him trustee of their affairs, should something happen to them. I've watched him make total strangers eat out of his hand in a minute or less, and he's completely charmed his housekeeper and her young daughter.

It seems NO ONE but me knows what this stealth abuser is really about, except perhaps his ex girlfriends (who he never gave me a scrap of information about-RED FLAG!!) Even my therapist was fooled by this guy (I found out after I was in therapy with her that her husband knew my ex and thought he was wonderful), which needless to say, screwed up my therapy --I had to walk away. These characters scrutinize everything for opportunity, size people up from minute one, and are already 2-3 moves ahead of you at the get-go.

Other traits: his doo-doo didn't stink (told me so, straight faced, several times), manipulative, lying, arbitrary, capricious, silent treatment, called me "Missy", would change plans we "suposedly" made together on a dime without explanation. Would cut a trip short (even long distance ones) if he felt the least bit threatened, would stonewall/ red herring me if I asked him a direct question.

Not long ago I discovered I had been "stealth abused" by both my parents (mother continuously sick/needy, father present--but absent) growing up; being a kid with no other experience to compare to, all these years I believed my childhood was pretty normal. Enotionally, it was far from. In view of what I've learned about myself, I'm now not surprised to I find myself where I am (I'm getting help).

Very true. This is called "abuse by proxy". It has two aspects:

I. Abuse is often condoned by the abuser's social milieu - friends, family, colleagues. It is part of the dominant, patriarchal, misogynistic culture in which the abuser grows and to which he conforms.

II. Abusers operate through others, using them as proxies.

Well firstly the victim would often feel scared around their partner and would always be on-edge around them, secondly the victim would always carry a lack of trust against the abuser and these things are needed for a good healthy relationship.

He was released in 1991. He now lives in EastHampton,MA. He now has a new wife Christine Thurman.

A relationship should be healthy, both physically and emotionally. It takes work but always love yourself and remember your own worth as a person who deserves to be treated with love and respect. If someone can't treat you the way you deserve to be treated than you are better off without them.

Well it really depends if the person is hated or not! If someone has the want-to to abuse a woman, they will do it to them! So really results may vary!

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Some examples of manipulative movements are strike, catch, throw. Basically anything that involves another object.

Women should get out of an abusive relationship because it may escalate from emotional abuse to physical or sexual abuse, sometimes even murder. No one deserves to be abused and to stay in an abusive relationship is not worth it. If you are being abused, please leave and find help, especially if you have children, you need to protect them too.

You choke them until they cant breathe

If you have asked that person from the bottom of your heart to forgive you and you know in your heart to be sincere.....then the ball goes back to his/her court. Then you should rest in the fact that you did your part. So it shudnt be hard to forgive yoself...

Do you always know exactly where he is, who he is with, and what they are doing? When he isn't at work, is he always with you, doing what you want to do? Do you get upset if another woman shows any interest (not necessarily sexual interest) in him?

People are not objects. You cannot "possess" people. Possessiveness, even the mildest, is, therefore, automatically abusive and, often, pathological.