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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
Consider the following.
A parent lies to a child about the existence of Santa Claus
A partner lies about being unfaithful
An employee lies to his boss about an absence
All the above are done not to hurt someone but in fact, to prevent someone getting hurt.
The parent to comfort the child. The partner to hide the guilt and the employee to preserve his job. If non of these lies are uncovered no one has been abused.
Occasions where lies are told to deliberately harm someone, such as telling lies about a coworker to make their lives difficult is abuse.
Generalisations are usually wrong (perhaps even this one), and shows the subject has not been thought through thoroughly.
Answer:
The Ten Commandments says this:
Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
In the Art of War, Sun Tsu says this:
All warfare is based on deception.
Frederich Nietzsche says this:
Do not allow yourself to be deceived. Great minds are skeptical...There is nothing more necessary than truth, and in comparison with it everything else has only secondary value...This absolute will to truth, what is it? Is it the will to not allow ourselves to be deceived? Is it the will not to deceive?...One does not want to be deceived under the supposition that it is injurious, dangerous or fatal to be deceived.
Sri Guru Granth Sahib says this:
Greed is a dog; falsehood is a filthy street sweeper.
What are some ways women get abused?
Well it really depends if the person is hated or not! If someone has the want-to to abuse a woman, they will do it to them! So really results may vary!
What is an example of manipulative movement?
Some examples of manipulative movements are strike, catch, throw. Basically anything that involves another object.
Why is it so hard to get out of an abusive relationship?
Women should get out of an abusive relationship because it may escalate from emotional abuse to physical or sexual abuse, sometimes even murder. No one deserves to be abused and to stay in an abusive relationship is not worth it. If you are being abused, please leave and find help, especially if you have children, you need to protect them too.
Is it more difficult to forgive yourself if the person you have hurt doesn't forgive you?
If you have asked that person from the bottom of your heart to forgive you and you know in your heart to be sincere.....then the ball goes back to his/her court. Then you should rest in the fact that you did your part. So it shudnt be hard to forgive yoself...
How do you know if you are over-possessive?
Do you always know exactly where he is, who he is with, and what they are doing? When he isn't at work, is he always with you, doing what you want to do? Do you get upset if another woman shows any interest (not necessarily sexual interest) in him?
People are not objects. You cannot "possess" people. Possessiveness, even the mildest, is, therefore, automatically abusive and, often, pathological.
The law states, that a wife Does NOT have to testify against her husband if she does NOT wish too. Call you local Court house to verify, they will tell you the same. I had the same question a few yrs ago myself, lol.
How can you get felony domestic violence charges dismissed without prejudice?
Domestic Violence is one of the charges that cannot be expunged from your record.
What is classified as verbal abuse at work?
People have been known to be arrested for verbal abuse... but that may be due to being aimed at the police. Verbal basically means speaking, so it depends what is said through the verbal use. E.g. bad language aimed at some,
name calling these can be classed as verbal abuse
When to call the police when locked out of the house by a spouse?
- If you are not drunk or disorderly; verbally or physically abusive and your spouse has locked you out of the house because they are angry at you then if possible, stay with your parents or a good friend. If your spouse proceeds in the next day or so not to let you in the house then you can call the police. Police are busy with serious crimes so to call the police the same night you are locked out of the house is not necessary, but, if you persisted you could do so.
- Another View: A common misunderstanding is depicted above and needs to be corrected. In the scenario presented in the question, the police have no lawful authority to act. What the questioner has described is a CIVIL matter between spouses, but not a criminal matter. Insofar as I am aware, there are no criminal statutes that cover someones spouse locking them out of their home. The police are charged with the responsibility of enforcing the CRIMINAL statutes of their jurisdiction and, by law, cannot become involved in civil matters. Only if the incident escalates and becomes a criminal incident, only then, can the police lawfully act. If your relationship has deteriorated to such a stage, you may use whatever remedies the civil court of your state may offer, or consult with an attorney for advice. The police cannot force your spouse to allow you back in your home.
Why do emotional abusers always come back?
Sometimes.
Depends. I'd say mostly on the victims state. If they have constantly backed down and forgave the abuser, chances are the abuser will come back and try to suck them in, ya know, being sick enough to take advantage of a vulnerable person or of a particular vulnerable quality.
However, if the victim started standing up and confronting the abuser, showing signs of independence and that they aren't going to thke the abuser's crap, then more than likely the abuser won't come back, because they view it as a threat.
Only if they can regain CONTROL. Show them that they can't control you and they will regroup and find their next victim. Of course they will have already tried every trick in their bag up to this point. It's just like a drug user that can no longer get their drug from the same source. They will scramble in vain to find the next source. CONTROL is the drug of an abuser - their lifeline of existence.
In my experience, YES.
BUT I imagine if there wasn't a pay-off or reward on their return (ie contact, forgiveness, honeymoon period etc) and, instead, a calm, CONSISTENT "NO" to their approaches (followed up by police intervention if need be), they would back off.
However, I think much depends on the person you are dealing with in terms of how persistent they are in returning.
Police, a restraining order and police called to my home subsequent to my obtaining a restraining order DID NOT deter the man I was involved with -- he was on my doorstep 10 days after I obtained a restraining order.
However, I was also the fool that kept taking him in and listening to empty promises (counselling etc).
Nonetheless, it's disturbing that he would ignore the law and probably even more disturbing that despite all, I would take him back rather than contact the authorities while he pathetically pleaded at my door.
But, I loved him or had some kind of emotional bond, so I found it extremely difficult to follow through further with intervention and found myself relying on hope that "this time" things would be different.
I wouldn't wish this nightmare on anyone.
In my experience, yes. My abuser neglected a school suspension to come to school and try to get me back. He also violated a letter of harassment to yell at me in the hallway, several times and now has community service as a result. So basically, whatever restraints are put in place, he violates and then waits a bit til more restraints are administered, and violates them too.
I think though, that it really depends on the person. I've only actually called him out once to talk to him, which I shouldn't have done. It's better to avoid, avoid, avoid. And hopefully, they'll eventually go away. Though I haven't gotten that far yet, so I really don't know.
Yes!
Stalkers and the Borderline Personality
The Borderline Personality
In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:
a shaky sense of identity
sudden, violent outbursts
oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
brief, turbulent love affairs
frequent periods of intense depression
eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone
Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.
The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.
The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.
The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
How do you know if you have an abusive boyfriend?
You are using the words "love" and "abuse" in the same sentence. Unfortunately they do not mix. That would be akin to saying how can I mix oil and water together? - There is no easy answer when it comes to either physical or emotional abuse. People who perpetrate on others may have at one time themselves been abused. Sometimes the pattern is passed on from the parents to the children. Sometimes the person is suffering from a mental or mood disorder and needs counseling. I am sure you may have heard of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). However here is the way it works. If the person hits you once, they will certainly hit you again. Normally after the first time, the perpetrator feels remorseful and sad. They make it known that they will never touch you again. You love them so you forgive them and life goes on. The next time they strike is usually with more anger or rage, for a longer period of time, followed by a slightly less remorseful stage. If left unchecked, this cycle will continue until the abuse is constant and there is no remorse. If you are being abused the best thing to do is remove yourself from the situation and give the person that YOU LOVE time and space to help themselves through counseling. If they don't well then they never really loved you or more importantly.........themselves.
good luck.
How do you explain leaving your abusive husband to your children?
It is best to work with the law on this one. If your husband is extremely abusive, there are Women's Centres to go too. They will often help you in the direction of legal council and you need to get your husband out of your life before you start a new one.
You must also have a plan (including your children)and the new man in your life as to what and where you are to go after you leave your abusive husband and, with luck attain a divorce. If you feel your abusive husband would make problems for you, your children or the new man in your life, then it really best to move if you can. If this is not possible then you will get much help from the Women's Centre. There should be one in your area. Please phone Mental Health and they will lead you in the right direction.
Good luck!
Marcy
Be careful before jumping into another "serious" relationship too fast....you don't even have time to catch your breath. If he loves you, he'll wait a while until you settle down and will help you when you need it (physical and emotional support). Remeber, actions speak louder than words. If I was in your situation, I'd prioritize myself and my kids. then the new boyfriend. your kids really need your attention at a 100%.... Don't be shy, if you are able, to get help from a doctor/psychologist etc.
I left my abusive (ex) husband with VERY careful planning...don't do it on the spur of the moment. My ex-husband became very controlling, then physically abusive about 4 months into the marriage...in addition to physical abuse, he would check my email, check my cell messages (which i used for business) and would stand outside my place of business for my whole shift. I planned a way to leave, but it took 6 months to implement. I made sure I had enough money, that I had the law on my side and that I secured the longest restaining order possible. you HAVE to plan it...wait till he abuses you the most, let the bruises and cuts develope then go down to social services...document everything he does to you. You can get past this and have a happy life. Alicia
What do you do when someone you love purposely hurts you?
There are so many variables that could have led to a loved one hurting you, without a clue to the circumstances, there's not much we can offer for your situation/ in particular.
Some generalities when one gets hurt:
- You learn from what occurred; someone else's behavior and your own behavior resulted in this outcome. Consider both.
- We all have needs. Expecting others to fulfill those needs can often lead to disappointment and pain.
- We all want to be trusting. Learn to temper trust with wisdom.
- Moving forward is much easier when you have set a goal or goals for your life; goals that are possible. If you haven't done so before, now is the time. And don't sit back to wait for them to happen; you have to plan and do the steps to get there. Accomplishing goals is an important part of building your own self esteem; when your self esteem is strong you are less vulnerable to the impact that others have on your emotions.
I learned all of these realities the hard way. Just thought I'd pass them along.
Is mental and emotional abuse to the point of wanting to kill yourself enough to get emancipated?
Contact a domestic violence crisis center in your area. They can help.
How long will you go to jail for domestic violence?
This will depend on the severity of the crime and where you live. You would have to go to court and face a judge who will give you a sentence of jail time. Please learn from your mistake that domestic violence is not good for you, your victim, your future or society.
How many years you will be sentenced if you committed child abuse in the Philippines?
Art. 210. General Penalty. - Violations of any provisions of this Code for which no penalty is specifically provided shall be punished by imprisonment not exceeding one month or a fine not exceeding two hundred pesos, or both such fine and imprisonment at the discretion of the court, unless a higher penalty is provided for in the Revised Penal Code or special laws.
Art. 211. Repealing Clause. - All laws or parts of any laws inconsistent with the provisions of this Code are hereby repealed or modified accordingly: Provided, That the provisions of the Dangerous Drugs Act of 1972 and amendments thereto shall continue to be in force and shall not be deemed modified or repealed by any provision of this Code.
Art. 212. Separability Clause. - If any provision of this Code is held invalid, the other provisions not affected thereby shall continue in operation.
Art. 213. Effectivity Clause. - This Code shall take effect six months after its approval.Done in the City of Manila, this 10th day of December, in the year of Our Lord, nineteen hundred and seventy-four.
What to do with your life when your dad hits your mum?
Ok I'm in the exact situation right nOw my dad is a very cruel person he abuses me often and he even hit my mom but now even my mom hits me and when my dad does it my mom doesn't do anything call the cops pls it's best trust me plz I'm begin u trust me I know u won't regret it god bless you
Do abusive men know they are abusive?
We cannot speak for all abusive men, but we assume that most of them know that they are abusers. Abusive men tend to come from abusive homes, and the behavior may seem normal to them. Others may feel that such behavior is their right. Most of them know the law, but when rage strikes, the law often doesn't mean much.
What is the result of violence?
Violence significantly increases the risk of injuries. Such injuries could widely vary based on the type of impact or blow due to the violence. There are many variables on what could be a resulting injury from head to toe.
What are the chances of an abuser abusing his second wife?
Pretty good unless he's had counseling.
AnswerMost abusers are serial offenders, abusing one partner after the other. AnswerI am a second wife of a Narcissist. I can tell you that the chances are good, very good. Even if they seem to have 'dealt' with their divorce. N's are very good at acting, remember that. They know what to project when they need to convince you they are 'OK now'. As the second wife, I would advise anyone considering marrying a Narcissist to rethink that choice seriously. The pain and turmoil is absolutely not worth any 'love' you think you are receiving. In short, the chances are too high, and the risks too great. Love yourself instead, the returns are much better! AnswerThere is no chance but only a guarantee. Abusers don't care if your nicer, smarter, prettier, as you are only an object to be defeated, used and demeaned. They don't see your worth and if they do its only validity is that its a threat. Abusers are also notorious for saying "the ex wife, girlfriend was a real hag". You may even believe this after meeting her. BUT you must take into consideration why the ex is angry if this is the case. Again, they don't change they only increase the psycological warfare. AnswerVery, very good. Unless he himself has saught counselling and benefitted from it.Whats the worst wedgie you can think of?
Granny panties are bad as I always get frontal atomic wedgies and also get mud and cow dung shoved down them as they are pulled over my head. Ounce i was stuck in a hanging wedgie for 6 hours. It is so embarrassing to get your pink, purple, spotted, brown or ones with Elmo prints over your head. However, thongs are really bad too. Ounce i was in a changing room. and got my thong ripped right off of me and was given a disgusting granny panties that had not been washed for a week and was in possession of the bully(who's sister had diarrhoea) so it had runny faeces all over it. In addition, it was too big. As a compromise the pulled them over my shoulders( like suspenders) and sowed them to my uniform.
