Breakups

Im the one who asked this and I'm 12 and I just broke up with this guy. We were dating for 2 years and he won't even tell me why he broke up with me. Does anyone have any ideas how to get over him

If you already pushed her there is not much you can do at this point - she hs obviously made up her mind and it is best you leave her alone now and move on.

The question is a good one and an accurate answer can inform others about the world of troubled children as they become adults. If you understand how children from a horrible childhood act as adults, the answer is simple. Look up Heather Mills inWikipedia and read about her childhood history of family troubles and the bad habits she picked up along the way (lying is most common among troubled children to protect themselves from bad parents). Then read about Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA) from author Woititz, just Google ACoA and you'll find alot. Put the two together and you have an accurate picture of many troubled children who grow up to have very troubled relationships. ACoA's in adult form will 99.9% of the time appear wonderful in public and are often a totally different person in a relationship when under the cover of privacy. I believe Paul McCartney met and married an ACoA in Heather Mills and as is often the case, he had no idea what he married into. Paul likely experienced this revelation this way; for months everything was wonderful and one day he makes a seemingly innocuous comment to Heather, two seconds later the ACoA Heather erupts with a vicious verbal attack against Paul that confuses him greatly, he retreats confused. Later he tries to smooth things out and WHAM! she launches another assault to teach Paul never to hurt her. They both calm down for a bit, days weeks or months later, Paul is still confused while Heather feels under attack and under pressure to teach a lesson to Paul everytime he attacks her. She keeps up her guard 24/7 by always attacking her attacker, even though no actual attacks are presented by Paul. I know it's confusing to the reader that people can be this way, do some more reading and you'll understand that kids being attacked constantly by parents develop a false sense of being attacked as adults. Their defensive abilities that helped them survive childhood becomes a reversal of fortune as an adult and ruins their lives and the lives of those they try to love. Heather Mills is likely two very different personalities, wonderful in public and wonderful in private if you speak to her in the gentlest of tones, otherwise the defensive Heather comes out and attacks without warning. By the way, I'm describing my marriage and I believe I'm describing Paul and Heathers marriage too. My wife's childhood was better than Heathers (though horrible in itself), so I can only imagine the confusion in Paul at all that happened. Bad parents make bad children, who turn into bad adults who make bad children again, and repeat, and repeat.....

Try looking back through your relationships and see if you can find similarities when it comes to the fallout(s). You have to be willing to see sides of yourself you may not want to be able to move forward and begin to alter them. Such as if you were too overbearing, needy, controlling, an addict, whiney or even cry/too sensitive just to name a few. Search throughout and find the reasoning in able to work forward on yourself. You may even want to seek counselling for this as well.

No, you are not a bad person (you didn't break up a marriage) and he's divorced and free to date anyone he chooses. It depends on how long the divorce happened regarding his feelings about getting into a relationship again. He is a good father if you are looking at the full picture carefully and he has the responsibility of doing the right thing for his child. A mother of a child can divorce and carry on as far as what it takes to raise a child, but a father of a child fresh out of divorce has to not only earn a living, but also learn mothering skills and that's a full plate in itself. He has to worry about getting a nanny in or taking his child to pre school and being sure his child is safe. It's mind boggling and because you have no children you should get the stars out of your eyes for a few minutes and start seeing it from his side of the looking glass. A good suggestion is for you to sit in a quiet place and really thing of what this man is going through. He may have bad memories of his marriage and one ugly divorce behind him not to mention a possible messy sole custody battle of his child. That takes a lot out of a person and it appears the first person in his life is his child. He wants to settle in, get use to working and raising that child and you don't know for sure if his wife has custody of the child and he may worry when that child is with her. You've got a really good guy here and one you should be proud of! Don't push this man for now and go out for an occasional dinner or ask him over for dinner and the odd time ask him to bring his child over with him or perhaps suggest going out with him and his child so you get to know each other. That child has been through a lot as well. It's not all about you darlin'. If you really love him then you need to ground yourself better and take this relationship VERY slow. Don't hesitate to tell him you didn't stop and think about what he's been through and would like to go out together for the odd dinner. Take this opportunity to ask him and his child over for a good home cooked meal. Don't be angry at yourself because you made a bit of a mistake ... learn from it! We all make them.

go to whoever you like the most and just go with your heart if you don't you may never get another chance to be with them again if you stay with someone that you don't completely love

* Yes, you should be concerned. This young woman is playing both ends against the middle. She has you and wants to keep you, but also keep her ex on the side in case something goes wrong with either relationship. If you want to cut to the chase and be mature about it tell her that if she can't commit to you then you are walking out the door. If she says she is not moving on from her ex or tries to tell you they are just friends then walk out! If you stay, then you enable her behavior. By taking action immediately it may shock her into deciding between you and her ex. At the present time the healthiest thing you can do for yourself is drop this young woman now because she will obviously continue to see her ex and will never tell him about you. If you don't have respect for yourself then don't expect it from others.

no If you are dealing with a narcissist it may not be "normal" but lots of things are questionable in these relationships. I would say that it may be "typical", yes. You love them...but they are mean to you...but you want them to go, but you need them to stay...N's think the same, but for different reasons. They will toss you out and reel you back in until they decide they are through with you. YOU on the other hand may want to work things out and so you may endure all the break-ups. It is not healthy for you. Why subject yourself to all that stress? Deep down maybe you know this and are hesitant. Sooner or later you will have to make a decision. I hope you won't stay with a narcissist! You can do lots better, believe me! Breaking up multiple times with the same person is a strong message that you do not get along well enough for a long term relationship. One of the times you have broken up, choose to develop your life and interests instead of going back to him. Your feelings for him will fade. Many times, people think that feelings must be honored above all else. But, if he is abusive it is a deal breaker and you must stay away in order to live the life of your dreams.

Just like getting over a hill put one foot in front of the other and move on with your life. I know that may sound harsh but don't become a yoyo for someone who cannot make up their mind. If in fact your bf was in love with you would he break up with you and tell you he's not happy. He's hurting to begin with and now to add insult to injury" He don't want to hurt you no more" Remove anything that reminds you of him in your residence. I wouldn't say avoid him that's too much work, just because your relationship didnt work out doesnt mean you know have to cower around town. Get yourself involved with something of interest to you, an activity or meet new people, Im not saying to date immediately but surround yourself with other sites. There are also books you can get from your local library on how to cope.

Statement 2:

yes the person b 4 me is right it may seem harsh but it is for your own good.....good luck

If you talk regularly and she says she misses you.

Eventually.

if you really love her, go along wit watever she wants

sometimes depends on the situation normally yes there is my best friend is mates with her ex of about 10 times. :)

They actually go out with new girls to make their ex jelous..

sweet, an ex is the best friend u could ever have. like u said, take it slow, be the friendu r right now and get along fine. if hestill keep in touch then it means there's something about u he cant shake off, it'll be easier finding out as friends or even the closest of friends than as a couple. i hope this helpsFeelings for Ex! Why did you get a divorce when you still have feelings for each other? Have you forgotten about the problems you couldn't deal with when you agreed on a divorce? Does it appear now that you are separated that life is easier because there is less conflict? Or does it seem that now that you are alone, you feel so abandoned? Anyway, divorce is no picknick! When the anger has dissipated because of your X's absence and you long to be with someone and you experience loneliness, you tend to forget the details of the divorce. Go on with your life! Join discussion groups, social organizations or get some more schooling. Meet others! The world is full of people. Half of them are men. Some are better than others. Realize that it's over. More help on relationships on my Bio Page.

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Each individual is different. No matter what the trauma, survival instincts click in to protect our thought patterns. It's a type of grieving and there are different stages of self preservation. No matter if the person is aggressive and loud by nature or quiet and introverted, each has a similar anger deep within them and, they may act out in different ways. The aggressive person (male) may get into fights, try drugs, drink more, or vanish for a while, while the female can, at times display physical aggressiveness by hitting, slapping, scratching, shouting, etc., and also, by using the opposite sex. Some women may even sleep around more not realizing they are actually trying to hurt the one person that hurt them, but in the process they are hurting the men they have chosen to have a quick relationship with. Males as well can flit around with many women without caring for their feelings, but not really aware of the reasons behind it all. The healthy way is to "go with the flow." First the tears, perhaps some depression or a feeling of "out of body" (not fitting into the environment around you), then anger and once the anger hits, then the healing starts. Many people can go through this process on their own, but, if they are depressed too long, blame themselves, turn to alcohol or drugs or act out by sleeping around and not caring about themselves (picking up diseases through sexual intercourse) or caring about those partners that are good to them, then it's time to seek out a good psychologist and learn coping tools. Sometimes, for some individuals coping methods are throwing themselves into their work, hobbies or general denial. Others may throw themselves into physical exercise (adrenalin rushes) and some may just become extremely introverted and shrink from society in general which leads to poor self esteem, a decline in work habits (whether school or working for an employer) and it just goes down-hill from there. There is no real wrong way to cope, but, if a particular individual realizes that they are depressed, can't sleep, are agitated, angry all the time and it's ruling their lives, then they must be mature enough to accept help through counseling. Sometimes it doesn't hurt any of us to get a "lube and oil" (as I call it) and find out if we are standing on solid ground no matter what the problem. Marcy

My best opinion would be to tell you to keep talking to him as a friend but don't talk to him so much that you begin to smother him. Just give him time. This is exactly what happened with me but I eventually moved on and he wanted me back but I was already in a relationship. So the best way is to give it some time and see what the outcome is. What's meant to be is what will happen.

It means that he doesnt want to give you closure because he wants you to pine after him and be sad and giving you closure leaves no doors open to the pain he would rather you suffer through than to get over him and move on....sad & sick but so true.

Females today are not bad luck and very troublesome. If they are they are trying to get your attention by getting in trouble. Most females are not bad luck they just make poor choices and hang out with people who dare them to do something that they will get in trouble for. I am a teenage girl and i do not know why some girls are like that.

Because alcoholics generally live in a social environment surrounded by other alcoholics.Relationships tend to form quickly and often lead to disaster.Alcoholics lack restraint,and have distorted perseptions.They think their new relationship is all deep and meaningful,when its all an alcoholic illusion.I've seen alcoholics go from one ridiculous relationship to the next, over and over, but I've also known alchoholics who have stopped drinking to save a relationship, and stayed sober.

There's a quote that goes "live your life to the fullest" and there's where I wanna go in life. I want to experience life at it's best. Have great adventures and experience everything life has to offer. Of course, not the bad things but all the great things we can get.

He probably needs pace because you two pry spend alot or too much time together. If your not getting along or he feels too smothered by you, he might not want to break it off completely but needs his own time

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