Grief Loss and Bereavement

• Everyone dreams while they are sleeping but not everybody remembers it, so if people tell you they don't have dreams, they are mistaken.

um i not mistaken........ i kno i not dream

• Yes, but not everyone remembers them when they wake up.
• It is possible to have REM sleep with no dreaming. I just had a sleep study, and it was confirmed that I was not dreaming during the REM phase of sleep. According to the technician, in order to remember a dream, one must wake up during or just after the dream. Otherwise it is not remembered. However, it is wrong to assume that everyone dreams and just do not remember the dreams. Some people do not dream very often.

Humans dream every 1/2 hour and seldom remember most of them and that's because they are in total REM sleep (meaning a deep sleep with eyes moving back and forth under closed eyelids.) When a person is stressed out they are not in total REM sleep (tossing/turning) and it's the last few seconds just before waking that an individual can remember a dream or nightmares. Nightmares are caused from stress. If a human didn't dream they actually would go crazy. Dreaming releases tension in the body and mind.

• Yes, everyone does dream. Normally, people don't remember their dreams. When you decide you want to sleep, you fall into a daydream, that is where you dream a nightmare or a more pleasant dream. You then fall into a deep sleep, this is where most people forget their dreams.

• Yes, everyone of every age dreams at night. Dreams often occur in the rem stage of sleep, which is often the last 15-30 minutes of the sleep cycle, Even though one may not recall or remember what they were dreaming about, the brain is still working and dreams still occur.

• Everyone does not dream every night. I sleep, but only few nights I dream. Thank God that I remember everything! and some dreams too when I see dreams. We do not see dreams every night because "Dreams are not the things we see while we are sleeping, It is a thing that does not let us sleep". You would have observed that when you do not see dream, when you wake-up you are Fresh! but when you dream, you feel like sleeping again and feel lazy. Its just that "We do not dream every time we sleep"

It needs to be very similar to normal children unless they have autism.

• All children need to know exactly what is expected before it is expected.
• They need to know the consequences before they test the rules.
• They need to know that when the consequences are applied that it is directly the result of their behavior and the choices they made.
• They need to know that regardless of what they do, that what you do is the result of your feelings and concern for them.
• The rules and consequences must be consistent and realistic, and consequences must fit the misbehavior.

This being said, children living with ODD must be dealt with firmly, consistently, and with easily identifiable caring feelings. Part of the issue or the source of opposition defiance is that these kids, many of them, are dealing with anger issues that rise out of treatment that many of the received while younger. This is not a judgment against the parents. Most parents, abusive or otherwise, do what they do because they are unaware of the damage they may be doing, or are doing the best they can with the information and knowledge they possess. Rarely will you find an abusive or neglectful parent or caregiver who is so for malicious or malignant reasons. Most are dealing with difficult issues of their own. In short they are broken, and the children they raise become broken too. While everyone is ultimately responsible for their own inappropriate behavior, none of us is raised or lives in a vacuum. We bounce of each other, those around us, and all too often the "bounce" results in unexpected or worrisome ricochets that are difficult to predict.

While prediction is difficult, addressing the issues afterward are easier. Start with narrow focus, use every example of negative or inappropriate behavior as a teaching moment, and help kids with ODD and ADHD make better choices.

Oddly enough, there are treatments common to those used in the treatment of PTSD. If you look at the research for ODD, ADHD, and PTSD, you'll see a lot of different treatment suggestions, but the best course of action is to keep it simple, and engage children (or anyone dealing with these issues) in their own treatment. Let them cooperate with developing rules and consequences. Just be ready to moderate their suggestions. Children, especially those living with ODD, ADHD (and PTSD), can be harsh when it comes to suggesting discipline or punishments.

How long ago did it happen? It seems there are five stages of grief that most people go through. It might help if you can see you are gradually changing and moving on.

# Denial or Numbness. You can't believe what has happened. You try to keep going like it didn't happen. # Anger or Guilt. Especially if it was unexpected. Whose fault was it? It was someone's fault. # Bargaining. What if... I'd done this. What should we had done differently. # Great Sadness. You become depressed, crying a lot. You withdraw from your friends and family. # Acceptance. Things start to get a bit better. You may never forget your loss but you gradually accept that life has to go on. You become stronger and you sleep better. You can remember your friend with positive memories and without the sadness. Some things that might help:

* don't be afraid to ask for help, family, friends or a support group * remember you can only change yourself * don't make any serious changes in your life while you are unhappy * talk to a religious person, or a counselor, or a trusted friend * keep fit, eat properly, keep exercising * don't bottle up your feelings, and be patient with yourself

You extend your help to an ordained minister in exactly the same way you'd extend your help to any other person in need.

Don't let the person's ordination color your responses to whether you offer help, or to the type of help you offer. Extend the help you feel they need, or the help they may be asking - or seem to be asking - for.

Imagine if a friend who is a doctor became ill, and clearly needed emotional support. Would you hold back that support for fear a doctor already knows all about their illness, and has sufficient support from their medical colleagues? Of course not!

Imagine if this minister for whom you are concerned held holy orders in a faith completely unfamiliar, even meaningless, to you. If a minister of that unknown faith needed help, would you feel uncomfortable extending that help? Surely not!

Perhaps you feel you have little to offer in the way of emotional, spiritual, or even material, support to a person trained and ordained to provide such support themselves? Consider that a person in their position might feel all the more lonely in their time of need, knowing full well that others could be holding back for fear of proving unequal to supporting a person who traditionally should be supporting them.

This might make it all the more difficult for a minister of your faith to show need, and so, in turn, those who would offer support could see this as a sign their support would be unwelcome, or even inadequate, and so hold back the very human strength and comfort needed at this time.

Give whatever help you can to this minister, as a friend or simply as a person in need and, if you feel it necessary, encourage others to do so. And, of course, respect privacy at all times, just as you'd do for any friend in a vulnerable situation; don't repeat any conversations you might have.