Improbable History

Very much so, imagine a chip shop with no salt.

or your favourite packet of crisps without salt.

Or in the extreme case a saltless sea around the coast.

Dehydration as a medical term is as old as mankind. The dangers of not drinking water are discussed in the Bible. The Egyptians learned of dehydration by accidentally figuring out how to mummify their dead.

Dehydration of food is an ancient means of preservation of food. The time honored jerky method of preserving meat has been known for millennia, so there is no actual date for the process of drying food.

One fine but hot summer afternoon, after the lunch rush was done, Ogg was in the mood for a little exploration and asked Gronk to accompany him on a quick hunting trip. Now Gronk was not an accomplished hunter and would prefer to sit and fish rather than chase after game. They decided to head down to the coast where they could do both.

The closed sign was hung out, the village was informed and the two friends set out on their trek. Never willing to pass up the chance to gather food, Gronk often stopped to pick berries and various sorts of wild veggies along the way. Ogg too, would spot small game and add to the collection of edibles.

The first camp was made and a pair of Sabre tooth rabbits were cleaned and prepared for supper. Gronk added a few swamp berries and some dried corn to a boiling pot of meat. Left near the fire, this soon became a thick bubbling cauldron of "stew". Both men ate well but there was much leftover. Never one to waste food, Ogg placed the cooled leftovers in a large skin bag and climbed up on a tall rock to store the gloopy mess away from small animals. First, he thought he should cover the cache of food so he piled heavy stones on top, smashing and squishing the mess together but on direction from Gronk, removed the rocks and simply left the bag in plain sight so they would remember to take it in the morning.

The next morning, the friends were woken by a large herd of mammoths and had to quickly gather their belongings and move out of the way. It was more than an hour later when Gronk remembered the flattened bag of food was left on the top of the rock.

To be continued......

And for a serious side, and the truth, I know, I was there.

Millions an millions of years ago, animals would eat fermented fruit from the ground and the trees in late fall, over indulgent appetites ended in the vaulted hangover, all manner of animals practice this autumn ritual, but it was the animal that is closest to the human to pass this knowledge along to the human race, who by the way have elevated it to an art form that we see today. The answer to your question is........BOZO! (his ancestors actually)

Blarg. In the days before recorded history began, there was a tribe of inventive people. Blarg was big, tough, short on words, and very long on brutality. His dominance of the other people of the tribe created major division between himself and the others. Since Blarg had so thoroughly reduced the tribe to trembling subjugation, he thought it odd that a couple of the men obeyed but did not seem especially scared of him. One day, just for fun, he trailed one of those less fearful members of the tribe to see what it was that made the man seem so complacent. What he found out was most interesting. Ogg, the man whom Blarg followed, sauntered over to a wild grape vine and started harvesting the fruit off the ground, not off the vine. While he was picking up the mangled grapes, he was eating the worst of them. Since even Blarg knew that one got the really great grapes and not the ones off the ground, he was intrigued. Ogg ate about half a pound of the ruined grapes, put the others in his handbag (a recent invention) and left...smiling and slightly staggering. It took Blarg a moment, but he figured that if Ogg did this strange action then maybe he knew something that Blarg didn't. Since Blarg was very territorial, it angered him that someone else knew something that he didn't. He immediately went to the fallen fruit and started eating it. Whew! Was it nasty! But a very strange thing started to happen...he got light-headed. It was an odd sensation and not unpleasant. Our fearless leader was also not known for his moderation. As he felt the sensation, he thought it was wonderful and kept eating the spoiled grapes. When there were no more grapes to be had on the ground, he staggered off to find another vine. Since the area was known for its abundant grape vines, he had no trouble finding more of the ruined grapes and quickly became very drunk. When he opened his eyes, he found that they refused to focus. Being determined, he tried to stand, but quickly found that his legs refused to hold him upright. In this state of inebriation he simply decided to lie down and go to sleep. The tribe found him later that day under a very cleanly cleared grape vine. They checked him over to see if he was injured, but could see no signs of any evident harm. The loud snoring was merely a sign of a good meal in their opinion, so they picked him up and carried him back to camp. This was a well intentioned action but a huge mistake. Blarg eventually woke up. He crawled toward the center of the clearing, mainly because his head felt as if it would explode if he tried to stand up. Every movement was excruciating, every sound sent stabbing pains through his skull. He was miserable, and a miserable Blarg was something to be feared. This was all their fault, the whole tribe was torturing him and he would not stand for this, he took in a deep breath to scream out his anger. The women (and Gronk) were preparing the days meal. The greasy odours were all around and no sooner than the smell of cooking reached Blargs nostrils, his stomach reacted with powerful heaves. The intended scream of retribution issued forth as though from a strangled dodo bird. The unpleasant residue of his eating binge came forth in wave after wave of nausea. Blarg thought he was going to die. When at last his stomach subsided, he just lay there limply, listening to the howling laughter and cursing Ogg. It never occurred to him that Ogg had not eaten nearly as many grapes as he had...but when he got over this evil occurrence.....someone would pay. Several days later, Blarg beat Ogg unmercifully. Bologna History:

The Lighter Side of History

(Which is to say some historical fact and a whole lot of bologna) Editors note:

While the Society for Uptight and Really, Really, Serious Historians can not testify to the veracity of the above two accounts as they involve prehistorical accounts and S.U.R.R.S.H. only deals with historical accounts, they have asked the editors to warn readers upfront that the following answer is made by a contributor who very well may be, at the very least, daffy. For this reason, and because we are too busy too keep up with his nonsense, we warn readers upfront to take his words with a grain of salt and Wikianswers does not in any way endorse or claim responsibility for the opinions promulgated by this answer. The hangover was invented by Mrs. Sally Forthright who was married to the drunken bum Mr. Samuel Dowrong during the Sixteenth century in Somwheresville Someplaceoranother. Mrs. Forthright, tired of her husbands drunken nonsense decided that there must be a way to invent some technology that would at the very least, make her husband regret his actions. So, she set about researching the situation, contacting the three witches from Macbeth, hanging out with Hecata or whatever her name was and interviewing many of the blood letting, leaching doctors of that day. One day, while gathering berries in the woods, while her husband slept through the day, she encountered a strange and terrifying gnome.

She was, of course, startled by this gnomes appearance and jumped back and called upon the great witch Heceta or whatever her name is, but the gnome giggled and told Mrs. Forthright not to waste her time as the gnomes appearance was due to her efforts to invent some technology that would make her husband regret. This interested Sally Forthright very much and she put her basket of berries down and listened intently while the gnome explained the mechanics and properties of alcohol and explained that the fermentation process needed more sugar. Sally rolled her eyes and said that sugar was what her husband was always demanding from her. The gnome giggled knowingly and explained that sugar combined with the natural fermentation of fruits and vegetables would add the necessary toxins to make the drinks Mr. Dowrong drank leave him with a feeling of general unease for several days. That night, while Mr. Dowrong was out and about dilly dallying with the farm girls in the village near by, Mrs. Forthright mixed the sugar she had bought from the local Seven and Nine with the whiskey Mr. Dowrong so loved to drink. When he got home that night, he demanded his whiskey and Mrs. Forthright obediently brought his toxic whiskey to him and watched him carefully as he drank all night until he passed out. The next morning while Mrs. Forthright was doing laundry, she heard this horrible moan come from the bedroom and a little later Mr. Doright stumbled out of the bedroom and half limped half ran to the outhouse and wretched and wretched and wretched as Mrs. Forthright smiled pleased with her actions. But after a while, she began to get nervous as her husband had not come back from the outhouse. She went outside and called to her husband still inside the outhouse and called his name: "Samuel? Samuel Dowrong, just what in heavens name are you doing in there?" He growled in pain: "Leave me alone woman I am wretching." "I know you are wretched, I asked you what you were doing! What is going on with that head of yours?" "It's hungover the toilet, woman what do you think?" This is how Mrs. Forthright came to name her new technology of sugar added to alcohol, the hangover.

Bologna History:

The Lighter Side of History

(Which means some "historical facts" and a whole lot of bologna)

The first telephone number was a wrong number given to a man by the name of Percy Lonelyguy who was given the number by Sally Tusexiphoru who made up the phone number to get poor Percy off her back. He kept bothering her for her phone number so he could call her and ask her out on a date in spite of the fact that Sally kept telling him she was busy most days washing her hair. This was in 1883 only a few years after the usage of telephone numbers had been implemented. Before the use of actual telephone numbers there was a central switchboard operator who would patch one telephone call through to another telephone and did so by the caller requesting the name of the person he or she was calling and the switch board operator would patch the call through. Sally Tusexiphoru received many calls and often kept the switchboard operators busy patching unwanted calls through to the beleaguered Sally who just wanted some peace and quiet. It was Switchboard Susan who first realized that Sally didn't want all these calls and Susan made a deal with Sally that involved the creation of telephone numbers. Susan assigned a real telephone number to Sally in case she wanted a call and advised her to just make up numbers starting after the last issuance of phone numbers to give to all those clueless men who kept chasing her....

Editor's note:

O.k. that's enough Mr. we don't even have to call the Society of Uptight and Really, Really, Serious Historians to know this answer is a bunch of hogwash. Will you please answer the question truthfully?

O.k, but just for your information I used to know a girl who went by the name of Swtichboard Susan.

Nobody cares about your personal life and they just want a direct answer to the question.

O.k. fine then. The first telephone number was issued either in late 1979 or early 1880 in Lowell Massachusetts. It was during an extremely worrisome epidemic of measles that the enterprising Dr. Moses Greely Parker, concerned that the epidemic might overload the four switchboard operators or that one or more of the operators would succumb to sickness themselves and leave the town telephonically helpless. Dr. Parker recommended that telephone numbers be used in place of names to help any substitute or new operator adapt to the system quicker. Parker, being as fascinated with telephones as he was curing disease and healing the sick decided to invest in this new technology and by 1883 became the single largest stockholder in both the American Telephone Company and the New England Telephone and Telegraph Company.

Editors note:

S.U.R.R.S.H. has verified the veracity of this last paragraph and has stated that given the contributor who is answering this question it is remarkably accurate.

Oh really? This just goes to show how subjective history really is because the answer I gave was found on wikipedia and that article is under contention claiming there are no references to cite their claims and that it does not represent a world view. There is also the question of business phones that were all ready in wide use before the advent of personal telephones and to some degree phone numbers were all ready in use even if it was internally. So there.

Editors note:

Oh yeah? Well...uh...well, telephonically is not a real word.

Is too.

Is not.

Well, it could be.

Could not.

Could to.

That's enough Mr. if you want to take this up with arbitration then do so. We are very busy here and have no more time for you nonsense.

O.k. fine. I don't time for my nonsense either. I'm out of here!

You put a dog near the hat!,as a cat gets attacked

Answer:

Often times when putting on that hat, people are heard to say: "Hey, wait a minute, I smell a cat!"

Another perpsective:

Oh you cannot smell a cat in hat

that's not where the cat is at.

The cat is in the sock I wear

my toes are tickeled by it's hair!

My sister wore it as a skirt

My papa loved it as a shirt.

Oh you cannot put a cat in hat

that's not cool or where it's at.

Two muffins are baking in a tin. One turns to the other and says "Is it hot in here or jut me, the other replies "Ahhh A talking muffin"

Neutron and a proton order a drink at a bar. The bartender says to them "For the proton is 5$, for the neutron its no charge."

Tiger is looking for pooh so where should he look?.......in the toilet ic jokes.

what does a homeless man say at a football game?........Get that quarter back

What is an airhead? A woman that was pulled over for speeding.

*Updated*

Those are truely pathetic jokes.

here goes:

There was a chicken who walked in to a library. The librarian asked him what he wanted. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book", so the librarian gave it a book and the chicken took it away.

About an hour later, the chcken came back. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book" to the librarian again. She gave him another book and the chicken waddled away with it.

Another hour later the chicken came back. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book". The librarian wanted to know what the chicken was doing with all these books, so she gave it another book then followed it. The chicken waddled along to a nearby pond. The pond was surrounded with books and a frog sat on a lilypad in the middle. The chicken went over to the frog. The chicken clucked; "book book book book book". The frog only replied with "readit, readit, readit".

The librarian then knew why the chicken kept coming back for more books

Why did the mushroom go to the party?

Because he's a fungi!

The answer is difficult to provide as the question is unclear. Could you mean, "What is sign language?", which is the language the hearing impaired use with their hands to communicate without sound?

Or "What is wine language?", the terms used by oenophiles to describe the properties of the wine such as the "bouquet," the "legs," the "oakiness," etc.

On the lighter side for "What is swine language?", two answers come to mind:

1. Pig Latin (Oo-day oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay?)
2. The language used in famous pig quotes: There is a language spoken by hogs and pigs which is not totally translated or understood yet, with words and sounds such as:

• "oink"
• "snort"
• "squeal"
• "wee wee wee" (all the way home)
• "slurp" "burp" "gobble" (we do know those are sounds of a pig-out)
• "yubadubadib ... Dat's all folks!"
• "grunt"
• "zroom zroom brrraaaaahhhhhhh" -- studies have recently indicated this loud utterance is from a special kind of swine (the "Harley Hog") and is roughly translated as "Eat my dust!".

Another Answer. Do you not mean Pigeon English? Or possibly Pidgin? You can buy Pidgin Skins but please note that they are not the same as Pork Rinds.

In the United States, there has always been "the West". From the time of the first settlements, there was always land that was unexplored and untamed. Intrepid explorers first scouted the land, such as Daniel Boone and Louis and Clark. Those who were of a restless nature followed to settle in new frontiers. The settlers pushed frontiers ever westward until the the West Coast and settlements met in the middle 1800's. Much of the US history has to do with the trials and triumphs, deaths, births, and simple living of hearty souls who desired space and freedom in which to live. Even today in the the US there are still open spaces to live and simple living can be had a short distance from towns and hamlets. "The West" is still open, free, and largely "untamed", as evidenced by the Dakotas. Wyoming, and other states which comprise the middle of the country. In short, "The West" is still being "won" today. On the lighter side

The west was won because the east was lost to those sissies and all their fancy ways. So the tough men and women headed west because they wanted some space between them and the sissies back east. It was in a poker game between the Demon Zanth and the Demon Mundane. In their cosmic competition, the two demons were bored with creating alternate universes and agreed to play the curious game that was invented by one of the races that had settled in their earliest universe. Zanth first discovered this game in Mundane's territory when one of his magical creatures escaped from Zanth (the country). Seeing that the game involved both luck and skill, Zanth became intrigued with the possibilities. Ever the gamesman, he immediately invited Mundane to study the rules of this new pass time and challenged Mundane to a game. The competition was fierce between the two rivals. The agreed wager was that whoever won would add the West in that universe to his territory. Zanth played brilliantly, but Mundane won by sheer perseverance. Mundane kept betting ever larger sums of energy and Zanth thought that he had the cards. Zanth was the victim of overconfidence, having thought that since his creatures had invented the game that he would instinctive know more about the game. He was wrong, and Mundane got the major part of the West as the prize. Mundane immediately closed The West to any magic influences, but Zanth was never one to let things be. Every so often, Zanthian magic is found in The West...such as the spirit dwelling in Arizona, and the dinosaur digs in Wyomings. Never let it be said that there isn't magic loose in the world!!! Zanth will always see to that! With acknowledgement to Piers Anthony...who created the Worlds of Zanth.