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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
Do men hit on women they love?
Yes, but they also hit on women that they don't love. It differs from man to man and woman to woman.
Yes and it is also how an abuser makes themselves look "good" to the outside world. Most people do not know how abusive that person is at home. My abusive ex boyfriend talked bad about me to his entire family, he got each and every one of them to hate me. He talked bad about me to co-workers and to his friends. (He didn't have many friends) But in the next sentence tried to make excuses for my "bad" behavior and tried to make them all like me. Yes, it is humiliation. My ex husband called my family and tried to bad mouth me after he was served with the divorce papers but, my family didn't go for that. My family told me to get far away from him as possible and get this my family and I had just suffered a lossed loved one a week before. Talk about someone that didn't care. It is a tool of manipulation. Not only does he hope to cripple you emotionally, he hopes to damage your reputation, so that you will not be believed if you accuse him of abuse. Stalkers and the Borderline Personality The Borderline Personality In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are: a shaky sense of identity sudden, violent outbursts oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection brief, turbulent love affairs frequent periods of intense depression eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood. The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions. The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors. The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
I wouldn't call an abuser a monster, but they are a few bricks short of a load. Normal people don't beat their wives, husbands, kids or the elderly up. Abusers learn their abuse usually from the environment in which they were brought up in, but there are a few that are just mean to the bone and love to control and bully people. Never mind the feelings of the abuser because this person could have gone for help at any given time and most refuse help because they feel they are right in what they are doing. They will say things like "well, if you had to live with that, you'd get ticked off too" or, "she deserves it!" Yeah right! If a woman is too mouthy, drives the guy batty there is nothing holding him in that relationship and he can walk right out the door and not come back. So, why the abuse? Because that's what he likes to do! ABUSERS PICK ON THE WEAK! Abuse pros deal in this sort of thing every day and several cases come cross the desk. Abuse is on the rise! If you can't get in to see this person then in the meantime, contact your local "Abused Women's Center" and if you can't find it in the phone book then contact "Mental Health" and they will lead you in the right direction. Don't wait on a long list, but get help right away. There are some great people out there willing and able to help a victim of abuse. More input: * The problem is, you want your friend or family member to undestand that the rest of the world doesn't tolerate abuse and you would like them to have a better life. Unfortunately you can't force a person into a better life. Abused people have to make those choices on their own. All you can do is give information.
Abusive or not he doesn't respect you. He wants you around at his leisure and controls you. He's bored! Get some dignity girl and kick this waste of skin to the curb! You are being used and abused. Abusive men are controllers, egotistical and just plain mean to the bone. You'll never change him and it's time you stood on your own two feet and expected better of yourself because if you don't NO ONE will have respect for you! Good luck!
How much can you trust your gut feelings when you suspect an abuser is lying?
I wouldn't expect an abuser to tell the truth. Abusers seem to live in an elaborate world of self-deception. There are reasons for gut feelings. Something said or an action taken has triggered something that you haven't fully figured out. You need to follow through with your feelings, good or bad, to find the answer.
Spouses have a way of seeing our weak points better than most people - and they will use them against us, if provoked. Love is the only way to fix this kind of issue: if you ask him for a kind (!) description of the weakness he thinks he sees in you, you have a chance of softening this behavior. If you are very loving and diplomatic, you might even show him that pressing down on your weaknesses is hurtful. If you want to find the weaknesses in anybody, I guarantee you will find some. So happiness consists (in part) in focussing on the positive, and forgetting the negative.
Are all mental abusers Narcissistic and what is the difference?
Not all mental abusers are. A narcissist is someone who suffers from a specific personality disorder called "Narcissistic Personality Disorder." This disorder is relatively rare.
Not all abusers suffer from the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - although many of them have narcissistic traits.
You've got to be kidding. Nice that you refer to your woman as a "victim." Is that how you address your cards to her or what? Your RESPONSE should be getting some help for your abusive ways ASAP. If that's asking too much, then leave this woman alone. Love her enough to part ways with her in a non-violent, non-hostile way. Allow her to be free and to find someone she can be happy with. Someone who treats her with the kindness and respect she deserves. ~ T They all can react differently. If you're the woman, just get out of the situation, it's dangerous. Don't antagonize him, just leave.
If your talking about cheating then tell them it will hurt but they should know and you should be man or woman enough to tell them so that they can make the decision of staying in the relationship and trying to make it work or to move on because they can't trust you any more hope this helps, Good Luck and God Bless!! ==New Answer Headline== It depends on what you want to tell them. If I were you, I would go with my gut feelings. Good luck. if you think it will break both of your hearts, try to think of an easier way of saying it. good luck!
1. When the person demands you to do everything he/she wants and not listening to you at all.
2. Does not want you to talk to anyone of the opposite gender.
3. You do not feel free to do/say anything when you're with him/her
However, it is important to note that people have differing views on what exactly is possessive. The above mentioned are some possible "characteristics" of a possessive love.
this is so sad
If she is 17 i dont know about Az but i know in NY she is an adult and can leave at any given time
And if it turns out in Az you cant do this if you are in diffrent states move call the police if they abusie her she can be taken away
I hope this works out and she wont have to put up with that for long so congrates to you and her
MAZEl TOUGH
Someone who thinks he/she is above everyone else, even his love ones. Comes from the Greek mythology character Narcis
No, but it encourages abuse.
If you concede to every single thing your mate wants, and they won't take "No" for an answer, you're in an abusive relationship.
It may not be that bad, you might be able to stop the abuse just by having a heart-to-heart talk with your mate, and having them agree to stop. Don't blame, and don't yell. Avoid terms like "you always" and "you never," and talk about your issues in terms of "I feel like." You have to get them to acknowledge that there's a problem before you can begin working on fixing it.
If your mate refuses to acknowledge that there's a problem, it's time to leave.
How do you let kids know what they are really get into when they join a gang?
there is no real way to tell them, but if there is, i doubt they would listen
Inhalant abuse can cause a range of serious health issues, including damage to the brain, liver, and kidneys, due to the toxic chemicals inhaled. Short-term effects may include dizziness, hallucinations, and euphoria, while long-term use can lead to cognitive impairment, organ failure, and even sudden death from cardiac arrest. Additionally, inhalant abuse can result in addiction and social consequences, affecting relationships and overall well-being.
Lyrics are sad eyes turn the other way I don't want to see you cry?
This is a song from the 70's called "Sad Eyes"by Robert Johns. Here is a link for you to read the lyrics http://www.afn.org/~afn30091/songs/j/john-sad.htm
What steps can an abused woman take to protect herself and her children?
There are a number of things that a woman can do to protect herself and her children from an abuser, and there are a number of signs and warnings to watch for in an abuser. This can be a learned behavior. Often, when a young boy grows up seeing his father abuse his mother, he may grow up believing that is a normal marriage, and do the same with his wife. Some husbands, who, when sober, would never hit their wife, will become extremely violent when drunk or using drugs.
Domestic violence can also be a result of deep-seated insecurity in the husband. For example, if the husband grew up in an unstable home, or if he was treated as "not good enough" by other kids when growing up, or if he was betrayed by a loved one, these can result in insecurity. This type of insecurity can result in abusive treatment of his wife as a way of boosting his own self-esteem. Another possible reason for insecurity would be if the husband doesn't earn enough money to support his family, leading the wife to have to get a job. This can cause him to resent her for the fact that she has to work to help support the family, something which causes some men to feel like failures.
Some men are controlling by nature, which can also result in them being abusive husbands. These are some warning signs to look for in an abusive husband:
- He wants you to account for every minute when you go to the store, to visit family and friends, etc.
- He tries to isolate you from family and friends.
- He is demanding and controlling, makes all the decisions, even telling you what to wear, how to clean the house, etc.
- He talks to you in a demeaning, humiliating manner.
- He criticizes you in everything you do.
- He destroys your belongings.
- He threatens to kill your pets.
- He threatens to kill you or himself.
- He shoves, slaps and hits you.
- He tells you you're a bad parent, or threatens to take your children away from you.
- He takes your money (from your paycheck or Social Security) and makes you ask him for money.
- He intimidates you with weapons, such as guns and knives, etc.
- He acts as if the abusive behavior is no big deal, or even blames you for it, saying that "you made him do it."
What to do if an attack is imminent or in progress:
If your abuser is threatening to attack you and you feel you are in danger, stay away from rooms where there is no escape -- such as a bathroom with no window -- or from a closet. Stay away from the kitchen, where there are knives. And don't ever think he can't overpower you and take the knife away from you. Also, if it came down to it, do you really feel you could use the knife on him? Usually not. Get to a room with a door or a window through which you can escape. Teach your children not to get in the middle of a fight between you and your abuser, who could turn on them. Get to a room with a phone, so you can call for help. When you do escape, run to a trusted neighbor and call the police.
Steps you can take to keep you and your children safe and plan an escape: Begin saving as much money as possible, even if it's only a few cents or a couple of dollars at a time. Memorize emergency numbers, and teach them to your children. Decide on a safe place to go if you need to escape. Pack a bag with money, an extra set of car and house keys, important documents (birth certificates, medical records, passports, etc.) and find a safe place to hide it -- but where you can get it to quickly when needed. You can even give it to a family member or trusted friend for safekeeping. Enlist the help of a trusted neighbor to call the police in the event of a violent outburst. Have a signal so they know they need to call the police for you in a case such as this: their phone rings twice; a certain window shade is lowered; the porch light is on, etc. Take photographs of any bruises or injuries as evidence of the abuse.
Once you have taken that first step and left your abuser:
Get a court order of protection and keep it with you at all times, and keep a certified copy at home (a Xerox copy is not the same as a certified copy). Change your daily travel routes. Car-pool if possible, so you won't be on the road alone. Use different grocery stores and change your bank. Use a different hairdresser if he knows who you had been going to. Teach your children who to inform if they see your abuser. Have an unlisted phone number and make sure your family and friends, boss, co-workers, your children's school, etc. know not to give your address or phone number to anyone. Cancel any joint bank or credit-card accounts, and open new ones in your own name. Keep a cellphone with you at all times. Keep pepper spray with you at all times. Ask a security guard to walk you to your car or the bus stop after work.
Teach your children never to open the door to your abuser, no matter what he tells them. Have caller ID, and do not answer the phone if you don't recognize the name or number -- he could be calling from some one else's phone -- and teach your children to do the same. Lastly, but certainly not least, once you do leave him, don't ever allow him to talk you into going back to him, saying he "is so sorry, will never do it again and has changed". Men like this don't change, and don't ever fool yourself into thinking you (or your love)can change him.
If you do go back to him, there is a very strong chance that the next time he WILL kill you. And don't ever agree to meet with him some place "just to talk". There are countless women who are now dead and buried because they agreed to "just one more talk". Don't even agree to a meeting in a public place thinking it will be safe to do so there. Women are just as likely to be killed by their abusers in a crowded parking lot, a restaurant, mall, etc. as they are in their home. Use common sense, your instincts and all precautions, and STAY SAFE.
For more information, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline:
1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY For The Deaf)
Why does abuse abuse and vilolence happens in a dating relationship?
To tell you the truth you need to break up with the person and find the one for you outthere right now loooking for the right person to. If the person is hurting you in any kind of way then you test the person temper and if you see any anger starting up then once the person is so upset that they really want to hit you, you better be ready to fight or react in a crazier temper more then they have. Or if don't want to do that have back up on the day that the opponent want to react have somebody to watch over you and to protect you someone strong though. When your done you start praying to God of Jesus at the end
I would take it very seriously. Never underestimate how much these losers want control. They will often go to great lengths to maintain control. Although they normally don't kill their ex partners or partners, it does happen.I would go into a womans shelter, they will help you. You need to feel safe before you can recover from this trauma.Please leave this man.
It's about control. Doesn't it feel like he's in control over YOU when he does that. Don't tolerate it. Get out before it turns into something worse. The other poster is correct! You dared to counterman his way of thinking. He is controlling you because your comment could have been correct and his wrong and he knows it. Run!
What are the signs of an abusive woman?
Answer The person can be withdrawn, have low self-esteem, appears anxious at times or can appear subdued. They can be slow to trust people. They can appear to be or actually be depressed where they have lost interest in people and life in general. Their spirit has been broken and need support of friends, family, and probably counseling. Emotional abuse is very hurtful and can leave long-lasting emotional scars. They can have stomach problems, headaches, insomnia. They can appear very emotional and seemingly cry easily or they can lash out at someone or everyone over minor things. It depends on the individual and the severity of the abuse.
Why do men abuse the parner they were once with but dont ever abuse there new parners?
they usually will abuse their next partner if the wrong buttons are pushed. the new partner could be covering up the abuse due to fear or embarrassment. in rare cases the abuser could be truly remorseful and seek help. good luck, and remember violence is never acceptable.
Adding further you are yet to see the minus points/conflict of interest in the new partner. Closer u r the more u see. Any way abuse is not justified whjihc maybe due to inheritance.
