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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
This is a good question for a psychologist to answer. I am not. However, my initial reaction is that a slap in the face, has connections to a condescending type of authority, as a means to invoke shame for having exposed someone to hurt, humiliation, or some type of personal offense. It is usual that a person will be slapped in the face for having said something that was shameful. A slap in the chest or shoulder does not carry that type of weight as it then could be perceived as a "fight" while a slap in the face usually is not an attempt to engage in reciprocal physical aggression but rather, a behavior that brings the conversation to an abrupt end.....usually.
Is it abuse if he only calls you names when you argue and then apologizes?
Name-calling on a constant basis is abuse. Apologizing afterwards doesn't erase the facts.
Why does the husband like the wife to talk nasty and not himself?
it turns him on... and if the wife wants him to
talk nasty then tell him
Most abusers grew up in an environment of abuse while young (yet 1/3 of them did not.) The abuser could have been spoiled (perhaps an only child or only son) and some could have been abused physically or emotionally by one parent or even both parents. A child has no control over such a situation so they live in fear and live in a fantasy type world to deal with this miserable situation. As the child starts to grow so does the resentment. Once out of the home they have known no other way to live and many men don't even realize they have a problem of abusing women. Women can also be abusive for the very same reasons. They can strike and lash out doing mental and physical damage to a man. Most men are brought up not to hit women so men of abusive wives often carry scars of war on their bodies. This happens more often than many people realize. As most parents know the important "molding years" is up to 6 (it's more) and children up to 12 are very impressionable. Children are basically little copy cats and react to the way their parents act as they are their mentors until they leave the home. Marcy
What to do if your being threatend by a sibling Is it considered domestic violence?
Call this toll free number anytime for help you don't have to tell them anything about yourself:1-888-7HELPLINE
(1-888-743-5754)
Domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors used by one person in a relationship to control the other. Partners may be married or not married; heterosexual, gay, or lesbian; living together, separated or dating. So no
you are not in domestic violence, but if you are being threatenedemotionally or physically you are being abused.
NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED AND NO ABUSE IS LESS THAN ANOTHER!
Tell a parent, another sibling, contact a counselor, call the police if it becomes dangerous, or if you can do not go anywhere near the sibling.
What can you do when you love someone and they don't know it and you're afraid of rejection?
Believe it or not well over 90% of people are shy (many just fake the fact they aren't) and there is just a small percent that actually feel very confident. Most of us get butterflies in our stomachs when we think of someone special and you ache to tell them how you feel, but most of us when younger do fear rejection. If you break down the word "rejection" it first sounds like a very stinging word, but in reality we get rejected every single day of our lives. It could be something as simple of trying to be nice to a student in school or a clerk in a store and they just stare at you like you have a growth between your eyes. We can look for a job and be rejected from many before we finally find one. You could talk to a close friend for advice and they look at you in a stupor. So "rejection" isn't all that bad. What I did with the word, was I ignored it. I realized not everyone was going to feel the same about me as I might feel for them, or they may not like me for who I am, but I'll never cheat myself by being something I'm not and try my best by learning from past mistakes. I refuse to go through life not trying and end up getting old with a lot of "what if I'd done this differently" or, "what if I'd just asked that guy out things could be different. Each person on this earth is unique and special in their own way. Some for the good, some for the bad. Never cheat yourself and second-guess who you are. Be the best YOU can be and that should satisfy yourself. Now, once you have done this you are more confident to go right up to that young man and invite him out to a party, movies, etc. If you are super nervous then try double-dating with a friend so not all attention is on you. Take it slow and easy and smile, then perhaps talk to him if you get a chance. You can ask what classes he is taking, what his favorite band is or what type of movies he likes. Keep the conversations short at first until you get use to being around him and seeing what his reaction is. When you feel a little more confident then ask him out. If he says no, try and not take it too personally. He may have a girlfriend or like another girl he hasn't asked out yet. When I was younger it seemed I liked all the guys that didn't like me in a romantic way, and the guys I didn't care for were asking me out on dates. Well, it all balances out in the end. Good luck Roseline! Marcy
They know its not OK they do it because they are immature, selfish, control freaks that werent taught to respect themselves and others around them. They could have been brought up in an environment that this was the norm but to me they new it wasnt right then and know its not right now. You do not belong staying in this relationship. You are not a punching bag or door mat, you are not ignorant or stupic and lazy. You are being abused and should either get them help or get out. YOU deserve better and there are real MEN not this neanderthal of a person, that are more then happy to treat you like the special being that you are, you are a women, that has alot to offer, dont waste another day of your life on this loser...........
Wretched can mean pitiable, miserable, despicable, worthless, or contemptible.
See the related link listed below for more information:
If you are an abused child and have not told anyone who do you tell first?
If you're in school, I'd suggest talking to a counselor or a teacher you trust. They can offer you a safe environment and contact the people who can help you and your family. If you're not comfortable with that, you could tell a close friend, but they might not feel like they can tell their parents and you might not get the help you need. There are also phone hotline numbers you can call to report the abuse; people at the other end of the line can also get help for you and your family.
No matter who you talk to, tell someone. Abuse can be emotionally painful, embarrassing and hard to talk about, but it rarely stops without some kind of intervention. Do the right thing for yourself and your family. Good luck.
AnswerYou have to tell someone you trust. A teacher, a minister, the mother of a friend. Only you know who will help you most.Look in the phone book for helplines.
good luck
AnswerHOPEFULLY YOU have an adult that you are close to and you trust. Maybe an aunt or uncle or a teacher at school that you are comfortable with. Many schools have counselors or a resource center where you can ask for help. Teachers, doctors, counselors, and many other adults that care for children are "mandatoryreporters", which means that if you tell them you are being abused, by law they have to notify "Child Protective Services" so it can be investigated and help you if you are being abused. Telling a trusted adult is your first step, and itwill be very difficult, but NO ONE has the right to abuse you. There is "NOEXCUSE FOR ABUSE". Be tough and tell the truth. I hope this has helped you and things work out O.K.What should you do if you are an abuser and you hate yourself?
Take time to go some where that's catches you some scene and sit there and look and reflect on life how special it is and how you can change and how thinsg can be more worst than you believe you can hate your self but you wont get any where with doing that try to do something for some one else its hard but " trying something new there is a chance of failure but not trying is failing
AnswerAs painful as it's been for you, you just made the first giant leap! You admitted you are an abuser! You should be proud of yourself. There is lots you can do to get over this. Seek out counseling. Go to your doctor or Mental Health and be honest with them. You WILL NOT be judged if you are there for help.Good luck!
If you are asking from the point of view of his new wife or girlfriend: have a calm and non-accusatory talk with him about how you feel about this interfering behavior on his ex's part, and tell him that it really is going too far, and that to make your relationship work, he needs to stop coming to her rescue every time she trots out the damsel-in-distress act. If not, reconsider your chances of happiness in continuing relationship with this guy; if he doesn't want to let go, maybe he isn't really over her.
Should I believe my BF when he says he will not hit me when he is upset eventhough he hits things?
Noone can tell you if you should believe him. It depends on how much you trust him. If you do trust him and feel safe with him then you should give him the chance to prove to you he is being truthful. But only ONE chance. Meaning if he ever does hit you he's used up his only chance, If he did it once he will do it again, no matter how many times he says he won't. And besides, every time after that when he gets mad you'll wonder if he'll hit you again. It would probably be a good idea to talk to him about it and let him know that his anger scares you sometimes, and you know he cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you but sometimes peoples emotions get out of control and they act without thinking. Let him know that if it ever does happen you will leave and you will NOT come back. Maybe the two of you can come up with a way for him to vent his anger in ways other than hitting things. Best of luck!
Manipulative people or both sexes are the ultimate game players. Narcissicists are the worst.
Abusive men are always about control and they learn it from either the environment they were brought up, or an environment they created sometime during their later years. For instance: He could have been abused by his father, mother or both. If he was out in the world he could have been mentally abused by a girlfriend or simply not treated well at his place of work. Abusive men think they deserve better than anyone else and they lash out at those who are the weakest (women, children and the elderly.) They seldom will carry on with their abusive ways at work because they know they can't get away with it, but once home ... that's his castle and he'll rule it the way he sees fit.
Abusive men are weak and scared believe it or not. They need that control at home because they don't feel comfortable if others have some control in the relationship. Abusive men can't share themselves with others. Women, children, down to the family dog are theirs! Women are no more than chattel to them. Some abusive men may really love their wife/girlfriend, but they can't control their immature and nasty ways. There are also some men who are simply just mean to the bone and have no real reason for their actions with the exception they can get away with it.
If you are in this situation head for the first "Abused Women's Center" and get help. Get away from this guy!
Good luck honMarcy
Answerit's a feeling of power for someone who actually feels weak inside Answeri was a victim of mental abuse by my boyfriend who was 16 years older to me. i' was 24 years old when i knew him and at such age, when girls my age would love to feel true love, i endured all forms of possible mental abuse from my "ex" abusive partner until i couldn't feel my own sense of self worth or respect in me. my ex would never physcially harm me, but his mental tortured were just enough to make me inflict physical harm on my ownself. the truth is, yes, it does bring down a person's self worth, trust, and confidence in ones mental and emotional wellbeing.i had an ambition to become a lawyer, but my ex was so disturbed with the fact tht if i become one, i may need to meet my clients or to argue in court, etc.he looked at all this events as a threat rather than to see what would make me happy as a sole human being.for his sake and the love i had for him, i am still not into practise now. I have the fear in me and my lack of self worth, and confidence is making me fear if i am capable of doing it or not.i just broke up with my ex few days back and I'm trying to get back myself, back to normal as how i used to be. from my understanding, why some people do this is due to the lack of self confidence in their very own self or the fact that they had a failed relationship before and they're pouring all their torments and anger on the new person who enters into their life, especially if the new person is weak and vulnerable. i always blamed myself for even talking to a friend for 1 minute as that would seem like i was having an affair with a men , in the eyes of my ex. i just would like to plead to all sisters' or anyone in a mentally abusive relationship, please get out of it before it ruins your life. you may not know what destruction these abusers may cause, but it can also be termed as a slow killer. your life is worth more than just spending it with some loser who wants to vent all his frustrations on you. anyway, you don't deserve it and after all, who is this person to show his attitude on us? the more we give in, the more advantage would be taken. please take life seriously and god bless to all my friends out there...I'm afraid I don't understand what you're asking. Unfortunately, many people are abused and nothing happens. On the other side of the story, many people THINK it's abuse when it isn't. I'm afraid you'd have to be a little more specific. Yes!!! Please!!! Stalkers and the Borderline Personality The Borderline Personality In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are: a shaky sense of identity sudden, violent outbursts oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection brief, turbulent love affairs frequent periods of intense depression eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood. The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions. The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors. The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
What is a common trait of a codependent individual?
There are many. The main thing that comes to mind is not being able to detach. Detachment means you aren't affected by the other's behavior. In a healthy relationship, you don't feel the need to change the other person. You accept then the way they are. For condependents, on eperson is always trying to control the other person, care for them, rescue them, and does things like lying for them, making excuses for them, and always hopes things will get better, but they never do.
Why dont women have a place to go after they have been abused?
they do.
they can go to their moms/dads.
or to a family member that cares,
or to a friends.
if she has none of those,
churches are always open to take someone in :D
Is it wrong to give up on a relationship even though you made a commitment?
No commitment is unconditional and unqualified. You are bound to commitments you make only within reason. You have a RIGHT to change your mind whenever you want to. Life is too short. If the person is crazy, abusive etc etc, you can break the commitment. Obviously, this doesn't seem like a "flight-of-fancy" for you and sometimes, you have to save your own skin. I debated this soon after I left my abuser. However, I realized that when I made the commitment, it was based on that presumption of love and trust, not abuse. The abuser changed the relationship and therefore I changed (backed out of) my commitment.
