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Breakups
It takes two to make it work, but only one to break it up. This is the place to ask questions about the pain, healing, and possible solutions to relationship break-ups.
8,665 Questions
Is a man more likely to cheat if his he ex-girlfriend cheated on him?
If you had asked "Is a man more likely to cheat on you if he cheated on an ex-GF," then it would be fairly safe to answer yes, even without the data to back it up. But your question is almost like asking, "Is a man more likely to steal a car if his car had been stolen once," or "Is a man more likely to kick your dog if his ex-GF kicked his dog."
Yes, but it takes some time. A person cannot change in just one day, it takes a period of months or even years to change. It's possible for anyone to change, but you might want to take things very slow and let your ex show through his actions, not his words, that he's changed.
Should you hire a private detective to follow your ex-Narcissist and see what he is really up to?
No. If he moved on then so should you. If he started a new life you should as well, think about it do you really want to just be sitting aroud for him to care? Just cosintrate on your own life and the ppl you have in it, and youll lose the interest in what he is doing.All it takes is time, Patience is a vertue. (:Bonnie:)
well he said he wants to be friends which means in time he wants to have a relationship with you so don't tell him about other guys he's jealous but every now an then tell him about a guy to keep him on his toes so he knows what he's missing that if you still want him if you don't want him tell him to shut up and tell him all about it
Why do ex-boyfriends realize too late what they lost then sneak up on you when you are over them?
It seems to me ex-boys come back during the summer and during the holidays. They are lonely and want something familiar. Have you ever had a boyfriend who you are on and off again, because somehow over time, we only remember the good, fun times. We forget the real reason we broke up. Best thing to do is let him be. Trust me, unless you can't breathe without the guy and an oxygen tank isn't available, tell him, SORRY!!! BUBYE NOW!!! Hey, girls do it too! Some ex's don't get what they have lost, but if they are particularly lonely they'll look up the "suckers" they know they can fool and get away with. Don't be a "sucker!" Tell this guy to take a long walk off a short pier!
You can never be sure it's permanent. Instead of sitting around moping get out there with girlfriends and don't be afraid to date again. Many people need "time out" to figure out where they are going in a relationship. Either your boyfriend is very wise or he's copping out on you. Start dating again!
Will your ex start to miss you if you cut all contact with her or will you become a fading memory?
If the two of you still have feelings for each other but decided to end the relationship anyway, then it is advisable to sever all contact for a pre-determined amount of time. No, phone calls, e-mail, IMs. Nothing during the cooling-off period. After that time -- at least a few months -- if the two of you realize you can't be happy without the other, then great. If not -- if you become a distant memory in her mind -- then you'll just have to move on.
If, however, she broke off the relationship with you, then trying to maintain contact might, at the very least, annoy her and, at the very worst, even be construed as harassment or even stalking. So act carefully.
Others have said:
- There is not enough information here for a reliable answer. If the relationship is over, and there are no children involved, cutting all contact may be a smart move regardless of her reaction. You should move on, and not worry about her.
A man doesn't have to be narcissistic not to get the message. Even narcissistic people can feel love, but certainly don't show it in the normal sense. If he truly loves you he may show it by hanging around you or bothering you with phone calls or, he could be lurking around to see who you are going out with. Some people just don't take rejection well. Just because you think it's over he may not see it that way. If he is really bothering you such as constantly being in the same places as you are or is inundating you with phone calls or bothering you at work and refuses to take no for an answer then form a complaint with the police. More often than not they will come back, sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Are you prepared for that? Right now he finding it difficult that you actually could have dumped him. This is quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to a narcissist as it absolutely drives them crazy. He will not forget this, or forgive you for it. Be real careful, they are extremly clever and extremly adept at maniipulation - you probably already know that. Their M.O. is to scheme and lure you back in with charm only to dump you so they can feel better about themselves. If he truly is a narcissist he won't do anything that makes him look like a fool. He will wait and not show his face until he has all his ducks in a row, and, oddly enough, until he feels like you have suffered enough and will welcome him back with open arms. And then, out of the blue when you least expect to see him, presto, there he is. My "N" first waited 7 months, then 6 years, then 3 years and then 2 months until she made her re-appearances.
She doesn't obviously want to burn her bridges and she is using you at your expense. It appears she can't seem to make up her mind as to whom she wants to be with. Remember, you are in total control of you and this whole situation, so the next time you see her tell her to knock it off, commit or get lost!
this: http://www.mariely.com/images/necklace_ruby.jpg (with matching earrings) and this: http://www.bitzofglitz.com/glitzimages/greenrdset.jpg and this: http://www.mr-diamond-usa.com/Pictures/R/pages/R52_jpg.htm and this: http://www.estatediamondjewelry.com/images/big/Earrings_-_emerald_10.16ct_.jpg and this: http://www.mariely.com/images/necklace_blue_sapphire.jpg (with matching earrings) and this: http://www.purpleshoshana.com/prodimg_lrg/BluFoxCoat4389PM1_lrg.jpg I would say is a pretty good sign that she does.
It means he'd been cheating on you and was enjoying the benefits of having sex with two women until you dumped him. Don't go back to him. He's not worth it and doesn't care about you the way you deserve to be cared for. Two people are in a relationship. You continued sleeping with him even though there was no formal relationship anymore. If he can get you to do what he wants -- and you willingly do it -- then why should he be faithful? If you treat sex as a focal point in a relationship, you're almsot bound to lose it. You deserve more honesty and respect, both from yourself and from your partner. As for him, cut him loose; he onviously isn't able to be trusted and is unworthy of your time. it seems like your boyfriend really didnt want to be your boyfriend. he just wanted you to be there in his time of need and pleasure.
Should you cling on to hope or walk away?
Okay, basically everything was going really well. Through the things that were said between us, I came to believe that she might be the one, (she told me as much). But, about three weeks ago she suddenly changed. At first she was quite honest with me, and told me that she was going to have counselling to deal with some personal issues she was having. She assured me that it had nothing to do with our relationship. It was just confidence/self-esteem issues that she needed to address.
Fine, I thought. Not a problem because I would support her in anything she wanted to do.
But then all of a sudden, I was asked to give her some time and space. Again, I had no problem with this at all, but I did start to worry that maybe there was something wrong with us. The last time I saw her, (two weeks ago), she was in a really bad mood and did not make any effort to talk to me. I tried to see if I could help, but she just wanted to be left on her own. Still, while I did not know what to think, I was going to give her all the time and space she needed.
Well, I would have done, but it proved difficult for me. You see, I am not a very confident person and I started to worry too much about it. What made it worse was I tried to call her, just to see how she was doing. I did not think there was any harm in that, but she was really angry with me on the phone and to put it bluntly, quite nasty. So that just made things worse for me. I found it hard to accept that despite her needing space to sort out her problems, could she not just have told me how she was? Amazingly, when I told her I was worried about her, she said I shouldn't be because she can look after herself.
Well, nothing much has changed. She still has not rang or called to say how she is doing. I don't even know if she even wants to know how I am. It's frustrating because, on the few occassions when I gave into my urges to text her, she would either ignore me and come back with something really cold. Okay, you can have your space, but does she have to be so mean about it?
So now, to my question. I am left wondering what I should do. On the one hand, do I cling to the thin thread of hope that she will call me soon and we can get on with out lives? I've since convinced myself that she does not want me anymore. She knows that this situation is really difficult for me, but she does not seem to want to say just a few words to put my mind at ease. I think that, if she wanted our relationship to continue, could she not give me something to go on? I don't mind waiting for her and giving her space, but not knowing what is going on is really hurting me. I even asked if she was dropping a hint by ignoring me but, surprise, she did not answer. She won't tell me it's going to be okay. But she also won't tell me it is over.
On the other hand, maybe I need to realise that this relationship is going to finish. Is it obvious and I'm just living in denial? If it is, then maybe I should just walk away. It's really upsetting to think about doing that, but I cannot seem to think about anything else right now other than how bad I feel.
So, if anyone can offer any advice, I would really appreciate it. To conclude, do I continue to feel bad each day that passes, but hope she might call me, or should I just accept that this one is over and walk away. After all the promises that were made and the things that were said, that is going to be hard to do, because it will break my heart, but maybe that's what I need to do. I would not mind as much if I had done something wrong, but I feel that I always did right by her. It's strange that when you love someone and treat them the best you can, you are rewarded by being thrown into the dark with no answers.
Okay, thanks for listening. A.
IN A SIMILAR SITUATION
Hey I'm in a similar situation myself. My GF of 3.5 years decided to that she didn't want to go with me anymore on a whim. However there hasn't been any talk of having space and such. As for your question I would ask that do you really want to handle all of the baggage? It sounds like she has a lot of problems that she has to get through before she is ready for any relationship. Right now I would let her be. You can hope for her to come back to you but I wouldn't expect it from what you are saying. Overall I don't think you have hounded her if you have tried to text her once or twice (I know guys want to hit things head on but girls are annoyed really easily) but apparently she is seeing this as you harassing her.
Again you can hope but don't expect it until she shows she is commited.
Exact Same As My Situation - I have no idea how to handle it.I'm in the exact same situation, except the roles are reversed. my boyfriend of two years (on and off) were doing really well, like we'd both broken through a bunch of walls that caused us a lot of problems in the past, but then he went through a ton of family/life problems and he just kind of holed up on me. said he needed time and space and i was really supportive of it for the most part, i love him to much to see him suffer, so i figured if he thinks he can work things out better on is own then i'd let him be. its been almost the whole summer and we still barely talk. I'm losing my bearings and while at first i was certain it didnt have anything to do with our relationship, I'm not so sure anymore.i just don't know whether to keep giving him his space, or try and talk to him and just ask straight up if he still loves me, cause i don't know anymore. :/
Why would your boyfriend just stop calling you if things were going great?
Try calling him and ask him what's going on. The best thing for a relationship is to talk to the other person. Other than that I can't tell you anything. Hope things work out. Ashley
Once a couple has trust issues that's the biggest let-down one can make in a love relationship. If you can't trust each other then the relationship can't grow. If, for example someone has cheated on you then you can perhaps forgive the person and try very hard in the relationship, but in the back of your mind you will always wonder if that person is up to their same old tricks. I think you know that it is time to move on. It appears both of you can't trust each other and therefore never will. If you should survive this relationship 9 chances out of 10 when you have an argument one or the other will bring up the trust issue and love flies right out the window. We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. In your case it's best to move on and eventually meet someone else. Good luck Marcy
Some girls/guys tell their present mate that they still love them, but then there is always that "but" in there and 98% of the time tell the other person they are leaving that they love them is a chicken way out and also pushing buttons to keep gates open. In other words, if the relationship they are heading into doesn't work out they want to keep you panting on the sidelines. Don't do it! The more independent you act by going out and dating again or going out with friends, the clearer the message will be to your ex one way or the other. There is a possibility she could come back, but why you want to get back together again. People just don't up and leave without much of an explanation. Good luck Marcy
I would not call him at all. He made it clear. He must know how to get a hold of you. The ball is in his court. I would get out and enjoy myself. See whats out there. Dont wait around for him to call. You will feel worse and look so desperate if he calls. He knows he can have you anytime. You are not a challenge. Dont play games but do not be at his disposal. Once he sees you moving on and meeting new people he may come back. If not, you havent lost anything except gained a new life.
If you did lie to him you should feel guilty and try to apologize and tell the truth if you did not lie to him and hes just an untrustworthy guy let him go it will just get worse as time goes on.
Anything is possible. He may not know what he wants out of life at this point, but still cares about you. Caring doesn't necessarily mean love and he could be worried about you out of guilt. Give it some time. Try keeping in touch on a friendship basis if possible and take it slow and easy, but beware, he could also be keeping you on the sidelines in case he's he's lonely and his other relationships don't work out. I would start going out with friends and dating again. Perhaps when he sees you not sitting around and that other guys are attracted to you it may spur him on. Good luck Marcy
Well, from a guy's point of view, you need to understand that a lot of the time a guy can either get bored with a realationship, or he might think he likes someone else more than his current girlfriend. If what you two had/have was amazing, he'll come back. Give him sometime, it will happen. I don't, however, suggest that you go out with an other guy. If this happens then once he realizes that he still really likes you there are going to be problems. These problems either resolve in fighting the other guy and then you might not take either of them back, or he'll give up completely and be completely and totally heart broken. The best thing to do is just wait it out and see what happens. You have to give the guy some time to think about having you or someone else. If he gets a different girl then you ask him to a double date with a person to make him jelous. Then if he askes you if you want to get back together than you say yes and then you hook up his ex and your ex and then everthing works out fine :) So then everybody is happy =D
Why do men want a break to find themselves but don't act like they love you and ignore you?
because he just broke up with you and was too chicken to be honest and do it the right way Hes a wimpy man.
You can do a lot of things. You really haven't given enough information, but here goes. When you date a man for awhile, then break up, and he says "I don't want a girlfriend", that's a bad sign. Normally this means "I want to have sex with you and other people, without you getting mad at me". It sounds to me that he knows the words "I love you" touches you in a spot that will help his overall mission. Now for the tough love. Dump the guy. You've heard the term there's other fish in the sea? Well its about as true as anything can be. You know the pain you feel when you think of him with another? You didn't feel that way before you knew him. Remember, love is basically conditioning, and can easily be manipulated. I know it hurts, but let the guy go. You will find another.... And another..... And another...........
In my opinion it is not acceptable. Your ex's "hate" for this individual was most likely a "sixth sense" as for as your true feelings or intentions toward this individual. Seems like he was right, but like they say opinions are like a.....es , everyone has one.
How do you know if your ex-boyfriend whom you don't talk to wants you back after a long time?
you would have to talk to him and see how he acts towards you.who knows if you don't talk to him he might get over yours and his old relationship.
Well from what it sounds like i would say you don't have much of a long distance relationship...its hard when someone lives far away but to make it work you BOTH have to try...if she got another boyfriend then she isn't trying very hard and i doubt she really has true feelings for you still...there is a good chance she only told you that to make you feel less hurt when she told you about the other guy...my advice...move on..find someone who will be true to you and who lives closer to you..the sooner you move on the better.
Answerwhy did she stop talking to you when you found out she had a b/f. Did you know her new dude? AnswerYes he was an old friend that was hitting on he when we dated and she said she "excommunicated" him from her and now they are going out and she calls me out of the blueand starts talking about getting back together and how her feelings have comeback.(Note: I havent seen her in almost 3 months)She didnt even mention him until i asked how the single life is treating her.
The way i intepret it is that she still loves me and want me but im not there so she gets someone else and pushes me away.She says she is confused about her feelings towards me.Now she wont even call me anymore.
It's just a fall back, women need to feel loved. Exspecially after being dumped. They dont want to feel the rejection.I dont think its real love though, just a phase. She could have loved you for real. But if you didn't love her in return, it was a futile love on her part. Some women need someone to love, to express their love to, as well as receiving love in return. It would have not been healthy for her to try to hang on to a man who didn't love her and dumped her (you). She has just moved on. Did you realize that you did love her after you dumped her? it could be a rebound relationship, or it could be they are just puting on a show of being happy, or she could actually be in love, it may have been a love at first sight thing. Either way, you dumped her, so let her get on with her life, unless she shows she still has feelings for you. Let her be happy..You DID dump her...But everyone makes mistakes, if it was a mistake dumping her then wait awhile, try talking to her, see her response. I think this is your case because you are obviously jealous of their relationship even if you'd admit it or not..
