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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
How does one avoid victimization in dating relationships?
you can avoid being victimize in dating relationships if you won't allow your current partner to abuse you. or if you're up to dating, always be attentive no matter what.
Statistically, the odds of an abuser changing are low. However, there are key indicators you can watch for in a person who is taking an honest interest in changing their abusive behavior:
1) They acknolwedge that they are abusive, and that it is their responsibility, and not the fault of anyone else that they are they way they are.
2) They admit that they WANT to change and that they know the process of change is very difficult
3) They undergo a violence/abuse assessment, delivered by a professional who focuses on these things. The abuser is willing and wanting to follow the recommendations of the assessment.
4) They voluntarily enter programs specifically oriented around addressing abusive and/or violent behaviors. These group programs generally are extensive, and may run from a minimum of 16 weeks to 52 weeks in length. Jointly, they should also attend individual counseling that is specific to the challenges they have in addressing their behavior and emotional challenges.
5) The process for change is hard, and can be long. How long depends on the individual, their readiness for change, and ability to integrate the change.
6) The individual will tend to this change in an ongoing process which may be lifelong.
The process for changing abusive tendencies is intense, very difficult (because it is rooted in learned behaviors that likely spanned significant portions of their childhood), and due to the extraordinarily low level of community support due to the morally reprehensible nature of this behavior, the individual will find the path to rehabilitation difficult to maintain despite their initial best interests and convictions.
If the individual is willingly able to endure this path to change, they can and will change.
Answer2: Therapy can help an abuser ONLY if the abuser is wants to and is willing to make the needed changes. A therapist could talk to an abuser all day long, but being willing to change must come from inside the person. Reading God's word the Bible and prayer to make the needed changes will go a long way to help the person. Please read Hebrews 4:12.
What is the age of a minor in GA?
You can work at places like publix and krogers.....they hire baggers and cashiers at 14. Also try cornershops and small businesses. Brusters hires 14 year olds as well....
How can you tell an abuser HE IS AN Abuser?
By being abused themselves.
How an abuser becomes abusiveThis is a question of nature vs. nurture. Although abusive behavior is passed on within families, it would seem that it is more about the family dynamics of both the parents and other family members than genetic. Within the family, if abusive behavior (verbal or physical abuse) is condoned, especially by blaming the victim, it will become an acceptable way to deal with emotions. An abused child is more likely to become an abuser himself to his/her family as an adult if it is not recognized and dealt with. (and sometimes, even then) In my life, children within the family did not have their emotional needs met as children and grew up without being able to show empathy or compassion. One thing that remains to be said: the victim of the abuse does NOT cause the abuser to become abusive--it is the abuser's choice of behavior. It is best to have a professional handle the issue, since they have the training to create boundaries and effect change. A good book on this subject is Patricia Evans' The Verbally Abusive Relationship.Abusers became abusers by how they were raised. Spoiled and neglected children often become abusers because their parents conditioned them in both cases to reject accountability for their bad behavior. The parents who spoiled their children have kids that were conditioned to expect to get away with murder and not have to face consequences. They believe it is their right to do whatever they feel without suffering a consequence, even if it hurts others. They were raised to be self-centered, arrogant, always thinking they are right. And flying into an abusive rage when life drops little hints that the universe does not, in fact, revolve around them. A neglected child faces a similiar fate, although they will be less successful in life. Both the spoiled and the neglected never learned to tie bad behavior to conseqeunces, both never learned they needed to control their tantrums, both were conditioned into believing they aren't responsable for their behavior. Both were conditioned into this behavior by their parents (their lack of parenting, actually). The prerequisist for being an abuser is a profound selfishness and sense of entitlement. Abuse doesn't happen without those traits. Often they come upon these traits because they were spoiled growing up. Or their parents failed to raise them properly with discipline that fit their transgressions. A neglectful parent and a parent that spoils their kids can have the same effect. It creates a selfish, baby like personality that doesn't think it needs to face consequences, and throws a tantrum at the slightest discomfort. Its a myth to say that abused people become abusers themselves. Only self-centered, un-empathic, entitled people abuse. It is also a myth that abusers simply can't control their impluses. They can and do. Why else do they behave abusively behind closed doors, only to their loved ones...yet turn on the charm and act all sweetness and light in public or in front of authorities? They CHOOSE to abuse so that they can get away with it. They know what they are doing. They know it is wrong. They simply don't care. They are experts at behaving badly and getting away with it. They were raised perfectly for that.
How can abusers change their behavior?
First: I'm very proud that you realize this and are seeking help. That is a huge step in stopping. Second: You most likely need proffessional counseling. It is usually the only way you can totally stop. You can also have "code word" with your partner that means you are about to "lose it" and she or you need to walk away so you can cool off for a while. That is OK to do. You are comminucating instead of be verbally or physically abusive. My strongest suggestion is to get proffessional help.
The first answer is a very good one, and I agree completely. It is very, very noble that you're recognizing that you may have a problem. Theropy is the way to go.
What is the statute of limitations on threatening someone?
Depending on what state you live in will determine the answer to your question. A domestic disturbance violation remains on file with police agencies forever unless it is expunged.
Why can you love someone and want to be with someone else?
The answer to this question depends on the person to whom you're referring. We often use the phrase "in love" when referring to someone in the romantic sense. In this case, when you're "in love" you also "love" this person. These terms are often used interchangably when used in this sense. Often times, you hear of a cliche breakup line, "I love you but I'm not "in love" with you." In this case, the person breaking up with the "dumpee" is not "in love" and therefore does not love the person they're breaking up with. To address the original question, "can you love someone but not be "in love" it's a simple yes but only when referring to someone in the non-romantic sense. For example a friend or sibling you can "love" but not be "in love" with because we only use the term "in love" when referring to someone in a romantic sense.
Why do you love someone who treats you badly?
Its hard loving someone who is abusive to you. Its up to you to talk with him and ask him why he is treating you so bad. Also tell him your not going to stand for it anymore and if the relationship between you and he doesn't get better your out the door. You deserve to be treated well,don't continue letting him abuse you. There are plenty of good men out there who will and want to treat a good woman well.
My daughter and her kids are being verbally abused..What can I do.?
Go to her with a few other family or friends and have a intervention sort of. If her kids are small have someone else with kids have a play date and get the ball rolling on getting her to realize the damage it is causing her and will cause her children. She probably has low self esteem and no confidence in herself. See if she want all of you to talk to the abuser, this is not something to let go because verbal abuse is a precusor to violence, if it hasn't already happened. Bring booklet/articles with you about the effects this has on adults and children. Bring some meeting area's she can go to for herself. Bring some that can be suggested to the abuser. Support her and help her, ask her what she would like to do about the situation, take her to abuse meetings so she can hear others stories and what happened to them and what they did. In the phone book their are numbers for abuse hotline, get them to mail her a questionaire so she can see it with her own eyes, if you can get ahold of one at the local womans shelter or the like. Please don't give up, the only hope she has are people like you that care.
Is it abuse if your husband calls you names makes threats and chooses his friends over you?
No, it isn't really considered abuse in the way that wife-bashing or marital rape would be, but you may want to talk to him about possible marriage counselling together, visiting a psychologist or psychotherapist for him, and even separation or divorce if these don't work. You should not just sit there and take it, as it is obvious that one or both of you are not happy with life as it is now.
YES it is abuse if he calls you names and swears at you - emotional abuse. verbal abuse.
being "irritated" by you in "normal" conversation is not abuse, it is his reaction to you and what you are saying. it is the actions he takes that are abusive. a person can be irritated by someone and not be abusive to them.
Why do people commit homocide over love?
It often starts from feelings of insecurity. They may blame the world for what happens to them. Then they may find someone who seems to love them. They begin to take the person's love for granted, even start to demand it. They might look to the other person like they would a drug to fill some need inside that is their own responsibility. Then they may mistreat the person, and the person leaves or tries to leave. Then their whole sense of the world is shattered and they don't know what to do. They try everything to make the person stay, and it doesn't work. Then any feelings of disgust they have for themselves, they transfer to other other person, and they may kill the other person to punish them. They may think, "How dare you walk out on me! You are supposed to love me! Who do you think you are?"
That is one of the more bizarre composite sketches. Sometimes it is just the pain of heartbreak. Then they lose their head and don't know what to do, and then their passion and rage just takes over. The more intense and irrational their feelings of "love" were for the other person the more capable they are of hurting them when things go wrong. Love and hate are not really all that different, and sometimes things get so tangled up and love becomes hate.
When someone kills a third party over love, then the answer is most likely jealousy. Suppose a man arrives home early and catches his wife in bed with another man. That can cause some people to fly into a jealous rage, and if there are weapons around, it can become a deadly combination. He may kill his wife and/or her lover.
There is sometimes a sense of ownership involved, and sometimes delusional thinking. Some people will tell their partners that if they cannot have them, nobody else can. When their partner walks out, they may even become delusional, or obsessed. They may tell themselves the partner still loves them and it is someone else's fault for getting between them. They may constantly stalk their partner until it eventually turns into a deadly confrontation.
Placate is to apease, to make someone happy, as in ending a fight, you agree with them just to shut them up. Nice way to say kiss ass.
How can you help your friend who is in an abusieve relationship?
As long as you confine yourself to legal methods, you can't "prevent" anyone from doing anything.
You can voice an opinion, give advice, or refer to literature. But that's just about the maximum.
There is nothing that a friend can do to prevent someone from going back to the abuser. A good friend can offer books and websites to educate the abused person. Keep the discussion open at any time, when the friend needs it. If the abused person does not want to re-enter the abusive relationship, but does not have the emotional strength to end the relationship completely, then I believe you have an obligation to help the friend end the relationship. Whatever it takes, if he/she allows you to help, then do so. This may entail much sacrifice of time and energy on your part. However, there are some people in life who need help, because they have become too weak to help themselves. If your friend does not resist your assistance, then do not wait for instructions on what to do. Be the leader, and take her/his hand, and help that person walk away emotionally, physically, and legally, if there is no resistance to your help.
Aside from lending an ear when needed and maybe directing your friend to books or sites on abusive relationships (or a professional counsellor and the like), I think it's best NOT to get involved -- unless you are ASKED for help.
I think listening and allowing your friend to go through the emotions is about all you CAN do.
You cannot prevent your friend returning to an abusive relationship. All you can do is be there for support as and when it's needed.
However, I would take care to be diplomatic in relation to the abusive partner, as your friend is likely to go back over and over again until she hits a wall emotionally and cannot take the abuse.
In the likelihood that you denigrate the abusive partner or shame her for returning or anything of that nature, you are likely to lose your friend.
Let her know that your still there for her and that she doesn't need a guy to make her happy.
What does it mean when your boyfriend hits on you?
To be hit on is a figure of speech that means a man is trying to make small talk with you or is flirting with you in the hopes that you will take a liking to him. It's usually pretty aggressive, though, and not usually associated with good manners.
Can an abuser change by going to counseling?
No, because, serial abusers will never change. I am currently in the same situation. I am married and not even domestic violent classes help my soon to be ex-husband. I think age has alot to do with it too because, he is 49 years old.
Depending on the personal data and the psychodynamic profile of the abuser, his cultural and social background, age, profession, level of education, and extent of motivation to preserve the relationship. Some busers can definitely be helped and success stories abound.
During my experience of 12 years of mental and physical abuse, regardless of the "so-called" remorse displayed, the abuser must have a sincere believe that what he is doing is wrong. The abuser must make a conscious decision to change his way of thinking and implement that into his way of daily living. Unfortunately, abusers have often avoided owning up to their responsibility of change because tey generally shift the attention to the victim.
How many girls are assaulted before age 18?
one out of three girls get either raped, date raped, or sexualy abused befor or by the time their 18
About the dangers of domestic violence?
There are many dangers involved in domestic violence. A victim of domestic violence can be affected mentally, physically, financially and even spiritually. The ultimate danger is the loss of life at the hands of the abuser.
Are abusers aware of their behavior?
This, actually, is the TYPICAL case. Abusers are constantly in denial. See these: http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/abuse4.html http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq73.html Abusers may be in denial of their abusive behavior, however we all have a sense of what is right and wrong behavior. We all have a sense of how we would like to be treated, including abusive people. I believe they know they are "in the wrong," but refuse to accept that. Sadly, many abusers probably were abused themselves and "blame" that as how they are. I don't believe in that trap. I grew up with an alcoholic parent and from a young age said I was not going to be like that because I hated how I felt. God Bless
Who are the victims of an abusive relationship?
The person being abused and any children who are there to witness it are victims.
What is the interactionist view on domestic violence?
Interactionists argue that a mistake most perspectives make is that they assume lawbreakers are somehow different from law-abiding people.
The Interactionist View: According to this view, people, (A) act based upon their personal interpretation of reality by which they assign various things with meaning; (B) observe the positive or negative reactions of others, and (C) reevaluate as well as interpret their personal behavior based upon the reactions, meanings, and symbols observed through others. This view of crime states that an objective reality does not exist. Therefore, people, events, behaviors, and institutions are subjectively viewed and are labeled by the individual evaluator as either good or evil. Crime has no true meaning, unless society has a negative reaction toward it.
What form of abuse is yelling?
It can be... depends on if the person is yelling at you or just about something that angered them. Well it really depends on what is coming out of your mouth when you yell. If you are yelling profanities then yes. And the reason for yelling and frequency is also a factor. If it is for no reason or if you are blowing up over something small then I believe it is verbal abuse. Also if you are belittling the person while yelling.
How do you find out if boyfriend is narcissist?
Go onto: www.Google.com
Type in: What are the characteristics of a Narcissist?
other disordersyes many other disorders and conditions can mimic narcissism. Borderline and Anti-social personality disorders which are in the same "B cluster" of disorders outlined in the DSM. Also narcissists display traits of schizoid, obssesive-complsive and bipolar disorders. It is not unusual for a narcissist to have eating disorders or addictions to sex, gambling, drugs etc.. I do know a diagnosed sexual addict who is not a narcissist. He displayed considerable remorse over his problem and was empathatic to others and had normal social skills.In any case, it is allways best to get a professional diagnoses if at all possible. Unfortuantely the very nature of many disorders preclude these individuals from seeking help in the first place... and thus obtain an accurate diagnoses. Many cases a victim of narcissism might obtain a "diagnoses" about the absent partner from their own therapist that they are likely dealing with a narcissist.
Sadly one does not usually recognize he/she has dealt with an N until after the damage has been done. The charm, lies, confabulations, manipulations, lies, deceit, cruelty, humiliation, lies, backstabbing, betrayal and all the lies. Oh, did i mention the lies?
(thank you, Marcy for all the spell checks)
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- Women stay in abusive relationships for a variety of reasons, it is never that simple. They may believe that they can work through issues with their partner and the abuse will diminish. It is never easy to leave someone when the heart is entangled, just because there is abuse doesn't mean there is not love. There may be a fear of being 'alone', but it is not usually just that that keeps them. Victims of abuse often suffer from high levels of insecurity and low self-confidence which makes it easy for them to be convinced by the abuser that they are at fault for their abusive behaviour. So, often the woman may feel that if she changes her behaviour then the abuse will stop. It can become a cycle that becomes more and more abusive over time and leaves the woman feeling so hopeless that she begins to accept her partners abusive behaviour.
- Yes, and it also depends on the culture of the woman. In some culture women are not "allowed" or afraid to leave, it could be so that they don't bring shame to their family...a lot of times they stay for "the kids" not realizing that they do more harm to their children when they stay in an abusive relationship. Abusers also chose women that have issues, like insecurity thus making it easier for them to control the victim. Also, in this day in age, the victim is no longer just a woman, it can be a man, in the gay/lesbian community, transgender community. Rich or poor, educated or not, violence exists and I think the cycle can be broken if the children can be taken out of the violent situation in time so that their generation has a chance to make better choices and live different lives.
What is a monetarily abusive relationship?
it is where one partner is abusing the others money or earnings. either by spending it all when they did not earn it and the other person did, or by stealing the money, or by refusing to work and making the other person work for them. They usually do not contribute to household bills and expect to live for free. They are normally very bad with money and if refused money will steal it. It can also be where someone is staying purely because of other person's money or financial situation.
