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Abusive Relationships and Domestic Violence
An abusive relationship is a relationship in which a person is victim to the use or threat of being physically or psychologically abused. Here you can ask questions about abusive relationships such as how to spot it, and how to get yourself or others help.
3,885 Questions
What are 10 reasons as to why women should not be abused?
You don't need 10 or 1,000 reasons to know why woman shouldn't be abussed, there is only one;
BECAUSE JUST LIKE MEN WE HAVE RIGHTS
IF YOU ARE IN N ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP I RECOMMEND YOU SEEK HELP. WOMAN UNDER NO SIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD BE ABUSSED. AND IF A MAN IS DUMB ENOUGH TO ABUSSE A WOMAN THEN US WOMAN SHOULD BE SMARTER AND LEAVE THEM BECAUSE WE DONT NEED THEM!
How do you love someone who have wife?
ANSWER:
By telling yourself that it will destroy many lives, especially if this married man had kids. You would not want your husband to do this to you right? You wouldn't let someone hurt and destroy your kids life, am I correct? So by telling yourself it will be messy, you can start looking for a man who is single that will love you, and not hide you..
He'll be furious and matters will get worse. This is the chance you've waited for! Seek help through Abused Women's Centers and they will help you stay safe. There are "safe houses" for women such as yourself and NO ONE with the exception of your counselor knows where you are. Also, if possible keep in close contact with the police to see when and if this abuser gets out of jail. Good luck Marcy
How does a parent recognize abuse?
For one thing I'm pretty DAM sure that You spelled Recognise wrong and They will tell you DON'T GUESS MOTHER FKERS!
Rolling their eyes, not answering a question and ignoring you--or interrupting with anger--are signs of disrespect. It is not about the subject of your comment or question, or your tone of voice, or timing or anything else. It is just plain disrespect. At work, if it is information they need to know, send an email and keep a paper copy to CYA. At home, I assume they heard what I said and it is their problem if they did not respond. I once offered my SO some great leftover ravioli for his lunch, but he didn't answer. So, I took it! He was surprised not to find it later, waiting for him!
There is no way to apologize for this without seeing improved future behavior. I don't accept apologies or offer explanations. It is just too bad they didn't hear me.
Patricia Evans has a good explanation of this in her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
:If it's not of vital importance, then I just say it was nice talking to you, and move on. And maybe later on when they want to talk to me, I might return the favor!It could mean either this person doesn't like you, or is in a bad mood. if this has happened on more than one occasion, they probably do not like you. leave this person alone altogether.
What is the difference between a controlling partner and a verbally or emotionally abusive partner?
Abuse, whether it's verbal or physical, is all about controlling the partner. A controlling partner is an abusive partner. They may control various parts of the victims's life: *the victim's schedule, and the need to "check in" or "report" to the abuser at various times * the victim's attempts to express her disatisfaction. The abuser will attempt to control the situation by comments, "I'm not talking about this," "That's not what you said/did/felt about it," ignoring the victim, sulking, pouting, physical threats, throwing objects, etc. * the victim's feelings of responsibility. The abuser will say at some points,"You make me feel good," and at others,"You make me feel bad/hate you/want to hurt you/treat you like this." The abuser makes the person feel responsible for all his behavior. * who the victim can talk to: her friends, her family, co-workers, total strangers. The abuser tries to control what the victims says to those people as well. *the victim's finances and independence--the abuser will withhold money from the victim, give the victim an allowance, or not allow a victim to seek employment so she can have her own money. *Self esteem. Through criticisms and belittling, the abuser can diminish and control the victims's confidence in her skills, her intelligence, her body image. "You're not smart/pretty enough," "You think you're actually going to be able to do that?" "You should be glad someone like me wanted to date you,". If you're with someone who behaves in a controlling manner, the best thing you can do is end the relationship, no matter how difficult it seems.
What do they call the relationship of two people living together without marriage for 7 years?
A common law marriage
Is yelling and sarcasm abusive?
Yes, there is no reason for someone to Yell or use any kind of hurtful sarcastic words towards another person. Obviously the person who is yelling or saying hurtful things to you, does not" feel good" about themself.
Can an abuser be accountable for his actions and change his ways?
Yes, they are accountable for their actions. It is possible for them to change, but they need to go through professional help. And if they have a partner that is going to go through it with them, they will need counseling also. Both will need individual and couples counseling.
They should be held accountable.. to the maximum. My daughter is the administrator of a domestic violence shelter. I totally agree with her response to the "change his ways" query. (A question that is asked by 99% of domestic violence survivors). "You can take the animal out of the jungle but you can't take the jungle out of the animal." Once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser.
Abusers are fully accountable for their actions because they know right from wrong and do nmot act on an irresistible impulse.
It depends greatly on the particular mental illness. Bprderline personality disorder persons usually do not take accountability for their actions and feel a sense of entitlment. It is advise in the professional psychological community to leave the relationship and break all ties because of the prasinign and devaluing phases someone like this goes through the abuse is more likely to get worse upon returning especially with the high cases of denial found among those with BDP.
I advise all women & men dealing with someone with BDP to just get out!
Stalkers and the Borderline Personality
The Borderline Personality
In recent years psychologists have learned about and done case studies on a new personality disorder which the DSM-III-R classifies as an Axis II disorder- the Borderline Personality . This classification includes such personality disorders as the Anti-social Personality, the Histrionic Personality and the Narcissistic Personality. Several psychologists (including myself) diagonosed my stalker as afflicted with the Borderline Personality. Characteristic of the Borderline (derived from research done by Kreisman & Straus, 1989) are:
a shaky sense of identity
sudden, violent outbursts
oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection
brief, turbulent love affairs
frequent periods of intense depression
eating disorders, drug abuse, and other self-destructive tendencies
an irrational fear of abandonment and an inability to be alone
Not much research has been done on the Borderline Personality, and for many years it was difficult to diagnose- and to treat. A Borderline often feels as though his/her life is marked with a distinctive emptiness; a void in which a relationship often acts to fill. Many times the Borderline is a victim of an early dysfunctional family situation and/or emotional/physical abuse by those he/she trusted early on in childhood.
The Borderline is psychotic , in the original, psychological meaning of the term: he/she is not in control and not in touch with reality. To the Borderline, a softly spoken word of advice can be construed as a threat on his/her emotional stability. An outsider's viewpoint that the Borderline is not in touch with reality often ends in a bitter and irrational dissassociation from the outsider on the part of the Borderline. Often, the Borderline ends up very much alone and victim to his/her disillusions.
The Borderline stalker is very apt to see his/her actions as perfectly justified; he/she has paranoid disillusions which support these-often with disturbing frequency. The Borderline often has brief love affairs which end abruptly, turbulently and leave the Borderline with enhanced feelings of self-hatred, self-doubt and a fear that is not often experienced by rational people. When the Borderline's relationships turn sour, the Borderline often begins to, at first, harass the estranged partner with unnecessary apologies and/or apologetic behavior (i.e. letters of apology 'from the heart', flowers delivered at one's place of employment, early morning weeping phonecalls, etc.). However, the Borderline does not construe his/her behavior as harassment- to the Borderline he/she is being 'responsible' for his/her past behaviors.
The next phase of the Borderline Personality develops relatively quickly and soon he/she feels suddenly betrayed, hurt, etc. and seeks to victimize the estranged partner in any way he/she can Strangely enough, this deleterious behavior is always coupled with a need to be near or in constant contact with the estranged partner . While sending threats to the estranged partner, it is very common for the Borderline to begin to stalk his/her estranged partner in an effort to maintain contact. This effort is motivated by the excruciating fear that the Borderline will end up alone and anger that [the estranged partner] has put him/her in this position. We are finding, in many cases, that a great deal of stalking behavior is associated with Borderline or related personality disorders. Earlier research did not incorporate the Borderline Personality in stalking profiles; research now is beginning to focus on the Borderline in such disorders as Erotomania, etc.
I say open up to him and let him know what you have been through...He should totally understand...Ive been through the same thing so go for it
How do theories help us understand the world?
It helps us understand the actions of a specific state and the possible future consequence.
How do you tell a new partner about an abusive pas?
Tell him/her a story about abusive experience then tell to him/her that you are the main subject behind that story.
What to do next breaking up with abuser?
So, you're breaking up with an abusive partner?
As hard and as awful as that relationship must have been, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Here's what you do:
- You tell him [DRIVE somewhere public to talk{meet him outside of your home, ideally} make sure it's NOT when you're alone with him - it's very important there is someone there {preferably a strong male; it's a common known fact that men are only scared and intimidated by other men, and that's what you want your abuser to recognise: he is not allowed to touch you} who can be witness and protector during this process] that you no longer want to be with him. You can go into 'why?' of your own accord, it needn't be mentioned that he's been abusive, he'll probably clock onto this. And you don't want to enrage him any further, his calmness is on a tight rope.
- Remember! throughout this break-up that he only wishes to be with you so that he can continue abusing you. Ignore any attempts he may make at winning you over - flowers, a card, apologising a trillion times - unless you want to be stuck in this horrible, fearful relationship forever, it's MANDATORY THAT YOU REMEMBER HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, he only loves what HE CAN GET FROM YOU!!
- Once you've told him you no longer want to be with him, leave. Don't listen to his speech. If he begins to get aggressive, your friend will be there to ward him off. Make sure you continue to leave the area, get into your car with your friend, and leave. No more conversation with him.
- DO NOT TELL HIM WHERE YOU ARE GOING. and MAKE SURE no one in your family does. Stay somewhere with other people, don't go somewhere alone, ideally. If this isn't possible, make sure you're either in a hotel he is not familiar with and that you check-in under a fake name [pseudonym - so that he can't come in and ask if you are here.]
- If it is not possible to stay at a hotel, considering your lack of funds, find out about the nearest Woman's Shelter, these are free for you bunk in and come with accomodation and protection.
- Now, onto the issue of collecting your belongings. ALWAYS, ALWAYS make sure you do not go alone, bring 2, 3 or even 4 friends or family to come and help you retrieve your belongings. If possible, don't go at all, send your friends or family round to get your things. This way you won't have to see or hear your abuser speak.
- Then we have the issue of children. It is a probability that you're abuser is not the best of fathers, this means you must take your children with you. I know this isn't as easy as I am making out, but it is important. If you have more than 2 children, call your family/friends to help take care of them, I'm 100% sure they will be willing. If you're going to have to take your children with you, on the odd possibility that your family are unable to help take care of them, then take them to wherever you're staying and tell them, openly and clearly, what is happening. The last thing you want is for your children to be confused, most probably they will be aware of the abuse and thank you for saving them. If they attend school, and you are worried about their safety to and from it, then perhaps you could organise for them to walk or be driven to school with another classmate and another parent. When coming from school, you could organise for them to go home with another child, each day of the week with the easiness and safety of you picking them up from there, or of the classmates parent to drop them home.
- If you have no income, then try your best to obtain some. For example, working in a corner store - anything. You must have income and money to survive, if your abuser has any shred of humanity, they will be concerned of their children's wellbeing and send money; although this is very unlikely. I know it will be hard to gain a stable income, but it's very important for both you and your childrens lives that you can provide for yourself and them. If you have problems with getting a job, call a job center that will help you with getting a job, receive benefit and help from the state - or even result to selling un-needed posessions on eBay [anything to get money!], but of course, please don't turn to prostitution [as little as I know of your struggle, I know a lot about prostitution and the lives women lead - so if this is the only alternative for income and being able to survive, you must not result to it and continue to search for work. If this search is taking too long and you are out of money, begin to talk to your family - ask them for help!, contact your child's school [the school will be involved with the child protection programme and it is within their right to become part of the process to give your child a healthier upbringing]. Or, if worst is worse; as painful as this may be, give your child up for adoption, although this is a far-stretch for what will make you happy, you and the child may be better off.
- If your abuser is continuing to contact you via email, phone, mail etc, make sure to change your email address, phone number and whatever else he can reach you through.
- If the abuser is continually pestering you, in an aggressive or manipulative way, get the police involved to keep track of what is going on. They can be on tap if your abuser is becoming threatening, do not hesitate to call them for help!
- And in time, you will be free of this abuser and able to live a happy, fulfilling, safe life.
If none of this is helpful, please let me know.
I don't mean to assume your situation, or tone it down because I realise it is incredibly hard to leave and start anew by yourself [or with children] if you have no or little resources to survive and an abusive person is on your back = making you scared and vulnerable. It's fundamental that you remember you are not deserving of abuse! Albeit if you have to search and search for work and live with your parents or friends for a while, or if you have to sell your favorite posessions etc, if you want to get out alive [which I know you do] you will unfortunately and unfairly have to make sacrifices. Your life is precious, and you don't deserve to be hurt!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
All the best of luck and all the hope and love in the world,
Dr. A
How do you get your flatmate to stop biting you?
Call the authorities and find yourself a new flatmate. If that one is older than two years old, he/she has serious mental issues that you don't want to trouble yourself with.
If he's doing something that you don't want him to do then it's abuse. He's putting HIS pleasure before YOUR well-being, and that's not a nice thing to do. If he truly loved you he shouldn't be hurting you.
All abusers are like that. In their mind they believe that they're not the problem and everyone else is. They believe that the world revolves around them and that whatever problems they have is everyone else's fault. Whoever this horrible person is, you should leave him/her immediately because staying with this person is a problem is he/she is not helping you in anyway. The above poster is right on the money. This sounds like this N is trying to confuse you and mix up your own perception of reality, a nice little trick of the narcissist. Don't fall for it. This is classic manipulation. Congratulate yourself for standing up for yourself. Take it on step further and tell him "get lost". This man has no respect.
Yes; since this may lead to abuse, domestic violence and a lot more dangerous things that you don't want to deal with.
I'm going to be honest here, but I think that you were in the wrong. You cheated on your Husband, which is always something to be ashamed of.
Since the man that you're having an affair with is starting to get more possessive; I would recommend telling your husband, if it gets worse call the police.
Good luck
Can a passive aggressive person and a borderline person have a good relationship?
Answer Nope, not likely. There will probably be more upheaval in your lives than either of you would want. I can't tell you what to do with your life, but I'd suggest that you look elsewhere for true love as you won't find it with anyone who is borderline anything. An example of this would be. An ex drug addict dates an Alcholic. The two of them can help each other, but joining together in a relationship could cost either of them greatly, if one of them slips off the wagon so to speak and goes back to their old ways, both of you could be emotionally hurt from this. Try to find someone who is as normal as possible and if you are the Passive Agressive person, see a professional for help as it does exist if you look hard enough to find it. Good luck
