Cheating

*Unless you have some hard facts the spouse is cheating and lying about it then yes, it can be mental abuse if you are always bringing the matter up and it's affecting your relationship. The only way you will know for sure is to follow your spouse (that's how I caught my first husband cheating) or hire a detective. If you aren't willing to do either then you are going to have to live with it and not keep accusing your spouse of cheating. There are so many relationships that have been destroyed by jealousy or second-guessing. Some men/women have a problem of trust when it comes to their mate even though their mate is not cheating.

There is always the possiblity of liking each other. As grown responsible adults, you don't take it any further. It will be a mistake that will hurt innocent people and cause YOU regrets.

You will probably never know the truth, but there are various degrees to cheating: A woman can go for a drink with a man, flirt and have several dances, but not sleep with him (if it wasn't an old friend she was doing this with and she didn't let you know then it's still cheating even though she may not have sleep with him). Many women love the attention they get from other men and some women will follow through sexually and others won't. Men/women will often let the other person take the lead and the man/woman will feel that if they don't actually instigate the sexual part of this relationship then they aren't really cheating. The mind is a complex piece of machinery and we can make our minds fool us. Perhaps it's time you were honest with yourself and took time to think when the last time was that you told her she was pretty or you were proud of her. When did you buy her flowers last or when did you take her out for a special dinner or a romantic walk? When was the last time you had a good laugh together? Relationships take work, and if you don't work at it (this goes for women too) then the relationship begins to fragment and the man/women will look elsewhere for attention. It's time to sit down and start communicating with your wife and ask her why she felt she needed to cheat on you. Listen! Good luck Marcy

He could be telling the truth, but he should have learned from his mistakes the first time. It doesn't matter if this woman's husband is cheating on her or not ... she has girlfriends to talk too and doesn't need your husband! After all, he's the male and she's a female and isn't that how cheating starts, just friends. Think about it! Tell him to lose the friend! If he doesn't like it, tell him the next step you plan he won't like even more and that's leaving! Good luck Marcy

You haven't been honest with yourself and you've not only copped out on your marriage vows, but also yourself! Every marriage has some problems, but mature couples try to work through them. If both decide they just aren't compatible then they should split-up.

It's unfair to your spouse to cheat simply because he/she doesn't make you happy in certain areas. How are they suppose to know unless you sit down with your spouse and express yourself and open up your ears and listen to him/her. Both parties get hurt in a situation like this.

There is something more going on with you then you are willing to admit to yourself. It's more about you than really your spouse. All of us know that after some years of marriage (or even going together for years) it can get dull, but hey, we all have to figure out ways to spice up the relationship.

The grass on the other side of the fence isn't always greener. Because you aren't looking at this or acting in a mature manner you don't get the fact, that no matter who you end up with you are going to have problems in your relationship.

I hope you rethink what you are doing. Have the guts to admit you can't stay in the marriage, be honest with your partner and then hit the road or grow up and try working it out with your spouse!

Marcy

B:

Your question is legit, but why didn't you just told him what's going on with you. Maybe its hard for you because you don't want to hurt his feelings. But always remember " the truth always hurt" no mater how you put it.

From my own experience that's what my husband did, when I caught his affair with this woman. I stop giving him his needs.

Because he does not really love anyone but himself.

Since the internet it's the newest way of cheating out in this modern world. I have to laugh, because actually, if your mate is paying attention it's far easier to catch someone cheating on you now, then it was back in the old generation. The way you poised your question it sounds like you may be thinking of cheating and if you are are ... don't! If you don't love someone or feel you aren't treated well then one should have the guts to walk out of the relationship and continue on with life. Cheating is cheap and a chicken way out of life. There are no excuses! If you were just asking that's another thing entirely, but usually people don't ask such a question without a reason. If you feel your mate is cheating then check the computer first. People can get on chat boards, etc., and strike up relationships and before you know it, bang! They are basically flirting with someone else and it's still cheating even though it's unlikely they are having physical contact (sometimes that does happen if the other person lives close enough.) Look at incoming mail, deleted mail, and desktop (on the front of your monitor) for chat boards. Many people have found their mates cheating on the computer through porn or on chat boards. Marcy

One did she go to the movies or not. If she went then she is a cheater, If she did not then she loves her man and would do nothing to hurt him.

Many reasons - maybe she doesn't know. Really, the internet and mobile phones make cheating a lot easier.

Or maybe she doesn't realize he's a serial cheater and thinks it was a one off affair. There is the idea that the couple can "get past" an affair [singular], which might be true, just not with a serial cheater. This type of spouse has deeper issues and will never ever stop cheating. Ever.

the best man at a weding can be single or marriewd they will be walking down the isle with the maid of honer so its who ever u choes it to be its your wedding have fune with it and good luck

It depends upon your definition of "cheating." If he is doing it behind his wife's back and hides or denies any such activity many people would consider that wrong. A lot of people can find themselves attracted to a co-worker or business partner because they spend so much time with the person and they may have a lot in common. I think guys who have "issues" at home sometimes find the opportunity for an at-work romance quite tempting.

When someone gets married then this person should be having a life with the person they married. Being friends with a former lover NEVER works and it's obvious you are going to be the brunt of many painful moments. I am sorry to tell you so bluntly, but it's time you move on and because this so-called former lover asked to be friends doesn't look like they are going to have a lasting marriage in the future. Stay away! This person has made their choice. Good luck Marcy

You should absolutely stay with your boyfriend because he was honest. Don't always blame the guys ... there are some gals out there that just love to play the game of stealing boyfriends or husbands. Some women are no better than men when it comes to having no regard for this sort of thing. Don't blame it all on the men. Your boyfriend is honest. He could have been caught by surprise, and if anyone who has ever had a few drinks too many says they haven't done stupid things then they're lying. The point is HE TOLD YOU ABOUT IT! You have a great guy there so don't blow it. Marcy

Beware! He could very well be telling the truth. If it's a phone you're talking about I once got a huge bill for the same sort of thing. I didn't even accuse my husband because I know he wouldn't do that. It turned out someone simply decided to use our phone # and put everything on our bill. I phoned "Telus" our telephone company in British Columbia, and they checked it out and took it off my bill. If it's the web, your husband (or you) could have given out info that other people could use and basically do the same thing that would happen on your phone bill. Check your desktop on your computer and or "documents" and see if he has saved any info to keep contacting these type of chatlines. If you have kids in the family they could well be doing this too. Sex is the easiest thing to bring up on a computer whether you go hunting for these sites or not. I'd give your husband a break. People using other people's phone numbers or email accounts for this sort of thing is nothing new. Report it to your phone company or your server and get it straightened out. Good luck Marcy

If it's not romance, but friendship, then no, it's not cheating. I talk to many men (and women) around the world, on a friendship basis. I don't search for these men, but people get caught up on certain subjects from a board and you end up talking to different people and get their views. Right now I am talking to a young man in Africa re problems there. We exchange ideas as to how to better things there. It's interesting and we certainly learn something from each other. Only you know what "you are up too." If you know deep down that the fact of meeting some guy/girl on the web is a possibility, then you're looking for trouble.

Whether he gave the woman the romantic letters or not is not the issue, but the fact he wrote them at all! You have every right to be angry and hurt and ask him how he would like to come across letters you have written to some other man. He wouldn't like it one bit. Instead of walking out on him, see this problem as a signal that things aren't going well in your marriage. Lack of communication is usually the grand cause of many marriage break-ups. Sit down and without shouting or yelling or even blaming each other you two need to express your feelings to each other. Then you must decide if your marriage is worth saving and if so, then seek out a marriage counselor. It is unexceptable for him to be writing these letters and for some reason I do believe he never sent them to her, but what DID they do together? That's the big question. Have that talk soon and then decide from there. Good luck Marcy

We all can make mistakes, but unfortunately a mistake regarding trust with a spouse, girlfriend, friend, etc., is not one that is easily rectified. You have broken a golden rule in a good relationship, so it's going to take time to prove to her that you are trustworthy again. She will be suspicious of you (and rightfully so) for a year or more, so grin and bare it, and start treating that girl with the respect she so deserves. You could start by taking her out for a nice dinner, buying her flowers or a piece of jewelry (doesn't have to be expensive) and having some fun. Keep in touch with her off and on, and if you are going out with the boys, let her know. It may sound like you are checking in, but if you want to save this relationship then "check in!" Start expressing yourself and explain what happened and you feel like a fool over it. Remind her that we are all human and sometimes we can be "full of ourselves" and our egos get in the way, but also remind her that in one way it was a good thing, because now you know for sure just how much you love her. Also remember that it's not just the trust you have to earn again from her, but family and friends because I am sure they aren't 100% behind you both getting back together again. Good luck Marcy

If your husband is so ashamed of the affair (he just got caught with his pants down by you) then he's not ashamed one bit. If he was, he'd stop seeing the other women and try extremely hard to gain your trust back. We all make mistakes! Your husband is yanking your chain big time. He would have gone on with this affair and been unfaithful to you for possibly years and unless you'd found out he'd still be cheating on you. You should be extremely proud of yourself for booting this guy out! It's possible his mistress won't look so charming to him now that you aren't around. People that cheat want their cake and eat it too and you just scrapped off the best part ... the icing! If he doesn't come back in 2 - 3 months, then I suggest you file for divorce and get this guy out of your hair. If you own a home, property, etc., be sure you get 1/2 of everything! Depending on the judge he may not even be entitled to 1/2. Good luck Marcy

If he's married then he should be with his wife. If you love him what is the big deal about telling him so? He is looking for ways out of the relationship; wants to put you on a shelf like a pretty doll, then take you down when he feels like playing around. Get wise and leave this guy! By the way, how would you like it if you were married and your husband was fooling around? You're losing your pride girl! Marcy

Some husbands can be very sneaky and this is a hard one. He could honestly be working late or perhaps he's depressed. Only you would know him the best. Signs of cheating are: Saying he is working late, but you can't get him at work Not coming home until very late at night or early in the morning Phone calls where someone always hangs up. Women's phone numbers on his cell or written on a piece of paper in his wallet Another woman's lipstick on pieces of his clothing The smell of perfume and it's not your brand! The quickest way is to hire a detective, but they don't come cheap and your husband may not be cheating at all. Just because your husband may not talk to you all the time, is quiet, disinterested with you, the kids, or things in general he could possibly be worried about something or depressed. It's best to sit down and talk! These are only some clues. The best thing to do is confront your husband and probably he will lie, so really look at his eyes and see if his face turns red. If he still doesn't admit to it he knows now that you are onto him. Good luck Marcy

You don't. I'm sorry to say that but it's almost impossible for him to feel secure again at this point. He'll forgive you, and still leave you alone in his home or elsewhere but, in his mind, he'll always wonder what your doing or if you'll do it again. It's a human instict to protect yourself and belongings. It will take time and patience. You can't do anything about it but re-affirm your apology and attempt to move forward with him. But don't force it, that'll make things worse.

You didn't mention in what capacity. If he wants to stay home one evening and be left alone and you go over or constantly phone him that is invading his privacy, but if he didn't specify such an example then I really don't understand how you did invade his privacy. After all, girlfriend, boyfriend are just that and you do owe each other certain things in the relationship.

I don't see any reason why he wouldn't forgive you as long as you apologize. Unless you are stalking him, pestering him, etc., then there is no reason why this should be such a big deal.

There is nothing you can do, but be patient. Whatever it was that you did to invade his privacy, just don't do it again. If he keeps throwing this incident in your face, than it shows bad character on his part. Boyfriend-- girlfriend relationship is a great opportunity to see what kind a character someone has.